The Alpha and the Omega: An absurd philosophical tale about God, the end of the world, and what's on the other planets by H. M. Charley Ada Read Free Book Online Page B

street.
    “Anyway, I think the story that you should really think about is the parody that The Simpsons did of that old Twilight Zone episode. Do you remember it?”
    “The one where the aliens were going to cook the people? I think so.”
    “No, you know so. Continue.”
    “Well, the aliens offered to take the Simpsons back to their home planet to experience the most amazing delights in the universe. But after they got on the spaceship, they started to suspect that the aliens were really going to eat them.”
    “Yes. And do you remember how it ended?”
    “Yeah. It turned out that the aliens weren’t going to eat them at all, and when the aliens found out how suspicious the family was, they were deeply hurt and decided that the Simpsons were too primitive to come to their home planet.”
    “Yes. The family lost everything because of their mistrust.”
    “Are you saying you’re gonna kick me out of Heaven?”
    “Could a being that advanced be offended
so
easily? No. I am just trying to help you find the truth, kind of like Socrates did in the dialogues.” God smiled at his joke.
    “Well then what’s the answer to
my
question? Why can’t I meet Socrates?”
    “Zack, Socrates has millions of admirers. You can’t expect him to personally entertain every single one.”
    “But this is Heaven, I get to do whatever I want.”
    “Indeed. And there are several videogames that should suffice. You can party with your favorite bands and debate Socrates there, and it will be just like real life. You can also watch recordings of Socrates’s actual real-life dialogues from twenty-four centuries ago, or any other non-private historical event. I have recorded the entire history of thisplanet. And, as if that weren’t enough, I believe that Socrates is planning to give a public speech later this week.”
    “But I wanted to talk with him personally.”
    “Zack, you are lonely, I can see that. I was going to wait to do this, but I think I’m just going to do it now. I want you to meet someone. She is going through some of the same issues that you are.”
    Suddenly, before Zack could protest, they were at a coffeehouse in Brooklyn, sitting with a woman of exact, stern, and impossibly-unapproachable beauty. Then God disappeared.
    “So,” Zack said, looking around, “who do we order from?” There did not seem to be any wait staff or cashiers.
    “Just gesture,” the woman replied, waving her hand over the table and producing a cup of coffee for herself.
    “Oh, right,” he said, doing the same. “I’m Zack by the way.”
    “I’m Lilly.”
    “That’s a nice name.”
    “Thanks, but I didn’t pick it.”
    “I assumed as much.” Zack waited for a smile, but none came. “So… hmmm… how do you like Heaven?”
    “Uh… it’s ok I guess. You might say I’m still adjusting.”
    “Right, me too.” A few seconds passed. “Well, I suppose we should at least give this a chance, don’t you think? I mean, God thought we should meet, and he did create the universe… sort of.”
    “Yeah, heh. All right… so what did you do before all of this, for a job?”
    “I worked on Wall Street. I was an equity fund manager.”
    “Yuck.”
    “Well what did you do?”
    “I was a lawyer.”
    “That’s better?”
    “A lawyer for the poor. I worked at legal services.”
    “That’s great!”
    “Oh thank you, I feel better now.”
    Zack leaned back in his chair, not sure where to go from here. But this time Lilly broke the silence.
    “What’s your dog’s name?”
    “Lucky.”
    “Wow, real original!”
    “There’s a reason. We got Lucky from the shelter when I was seven. A car had hit him, and the shelter didn’t have the money to operate on him. Just by chance, we got there a few hours before they were going to put him down, so we named him Lucky. For the rest of his life after that, you know, before God came and did all of this, Lucky got around on only three legs.”
    Lilly smiled, and the conversation took off