The Amazing Harvey by Don Passman Read Free Book Online Page A

you.”
    â€œSit.”
    I sat.
    Hannah said, “I want letters from your family and friends, attesting to your character. We’ll need those to reduce bail if you’re arrested.”
    â€œThank you for saying ‘if.’”
    â€œI’m going to write the DA, offering to surrender you. That way, they won’t just show up and slap you in handcuffs.”
    â€œThat doesn’t sound as good as the ‘if.’” I stood up and started pacing.
    She said, “Have the police searched your apartment yet?”
    I stopped pacing. “They’re going to?”
    â€œI want our detective to search it first.”
    I sat down across from her. “Why do we need a detective?” Which I can’t afford.
    She uncrossed her legs. “I use an ex-cop. He knows what the police look for. We’ll need him to do some other investigating as well.”
    I have no idea how I’ll pay this guy, but “Okay.”
    Hannah said, “By the way, if there’s anything in your apartment that shouldn’t be, now would be a good time to have a spring cleaning.”
    I turned up my palms. “Trust me, there’s nothing offensive in my apartment except some bird droppings.”
    Hannah stood up and tossed her yellow pad onto the desk. “One last thing. Are you aware that criminal lawyers get paid up front?”
    Uh-oh. “Why’s that? So you don’t get stiffed if your client ends up in jail?”
    â€œYes.”
    I grimaced. “You could have sugarcoated that a little.”
    â€œHarvey, do you not have the money?”
    â€œI’ve got most of it.” If you consider thirty percent to be the definition of “most.” “Maybe we could work out a payment schedule?”
    She gave her head a quarter turn, looking at me skeptically. “I’ve never done that.”
    â€œI’m good for it. I’ve got magic gigs lined up. And I substitute teach. Hey, we magicians really understand devious. Maybe I can do some detective work for your clients.”
    Hannah rubbed her eyes with her fists. “I have to think about all this.”

 
    CHAPTER NINE
    Â 
    Next morning, I called for substitute teaching work.
    Zippo.
    I asked for Charlie Nelson, the supervisor who usually comes through for me. When he got on the line, I said, “Charlie, I’ve called for two days and they’ve said there’s no work. Hard to believe every teacher in Los Angeles has broken out with ‘healthy.’”
    He cleared his throat. “You know the drill. I got seniority issues. I got unions up my ass.”
    â€œI need work. I’ve got some serious bills.”
    â€œWell … let me look into it.” From the tone of his voice, he may as well have said “If I were Pinocchio, you could feel my nose from where you’re sitting.”
    Does he know about the cops? I don’t want to educate him if he doesn’t. Am I being paranoid? Screw it. “Charlie, is this about the cops?”
    I could hear his chair squeal. “I guess maybe someone said something to somebody.”
    â€œI haven’t been accused of anything. They just asked me some questions. It’s not fair.”
    â€œLet me look into it.”
    â€œYou already said that. Charlie, I need this.”
    â€œI’ll see what I can do.”
    I clunked down the phone and called Marty Levin, my magic agent. As soon as he answered, I said, “Marty, it’s Harvey. I need work.”
    â€œAnd good morning to you, too.”
    â€œI mean it. I got bills to pay.”
    â€œOh. That changes everything. None of my other clients have bills.”
    â€œIs there anything for me? Anything?”
    â€œSorry, Harvey. Not in the next few weeks.”
    â€œI really need this.”
    He sighed. “All right. Let me shake the trees.”
    I speak “Marty” well enough to know that meant “Not a