The Art and Craft of Approaching Your Head of Department to Submit a Request for a Raise by Georges Perec Read Free Book Online Page A

pay regular premiums so once you are out of the sickbay you weigh the pros and cons you go to see mr x let us suppose to keep things simple – for we must do our best to keep things simple – that it all goes swimmingly let me check for the record that a fully favourable conduct of the campaign requires the beneficent and therefore inherently unlikely concordance of a heap of items variously located in the animal vegetable and mineral domains among them we will mention only – because we really do want to keep our demonstration as short as possible and not burden it with matters that would in the end be considered otiose – so among them we will mention i repeat only the good mood of ms wye the freshness of eggs the line manager’s oesophagal unobstruction the absence of measles these conditions being met we can more easily grant that your head of department may see you and not have a priori reasons for dismissing out of hand your request for a raise does he not himself spend his time trying to get one from mr z all the same it’s a well-known fact that no line manager ever grants a raise or even considers such a matter with even an iota of seriousness without having first gone right through the claimant’s own view of the admissibility of said wish now obviously if you had a good idea which would allow the business that has always placed its trust in you
     

     
    to cut its wage base by 40% while increasing its profits by the same amount that would perhaps count in your favour but i seem to remember we have proven scientifically that you cannot have any ideas of the sort because either you have T60 ideas that are of no interest to anybody or else you think you have an idea but either your line manager could not give a damn or does give a damn but finds it too stupid or does give a damn and does not find it too stupid but doesn’t have the time to think about it your idea i mean or does give a damn does not find it too stupid does have the time to think about it but can’t make head or tail of it or else does give a damn does find it brilliant finds the time to take it on board and understands it from head to tail your idea that is but forgets meanwhile that you had come to see him about a raise so it is far better not to have an idea the part you played in a major project carried out by your firm with great brilliance could give significant support to your request for pecuniary enhancement you will be asked frankly answer in like manner if you have recently been involved in a successful project say yes if you have not been involved in a major project say no if you have recently been involved in a major cock-up say nothing about it and if you were involved long long ago in a very minor project which though not exactly a disaster could not be counted a real success say nothing about that either obviously it could be the case that your company has pulled off a number of major coups but that those were the ones in which you were not involved or worse still that it inexplicably bungled all the projects in which you played a major or minor part do not draw hasty conclusions and in any case to keep things simple – for we must do our best to keep things simple – we will not take such eventualities into account but let us suppose for this is indeed the most likely situation that you have not been involved in a recent major successful project which can be accounted for by the fact that your firm hasn’t carried off a major coup for nearly four years now not for lack of wanting but its attempts to establish a shipyard in chartres a rail link from dunkirk to tamanrasset or to build a medical centre in the paris region all turned out to be unviable so you answer that you have not recently been involved in a major successful project do not add there is no point that you did all you could your line manager knows that and that is the very reason he holds you in such esteem moreover do not think all is lost all is not yet lost