The Asylum for Fairy-Tale Creatures by Sebastian Gregory Read Free Book Online Page A

happened
    Thumbeana, the most beautiful girl in the whole fairy tale kingdom who was made from a thousand princesses, went to her lovely new home with Thread Bear, her best friend ever ever, ever. They were taken to part of the asylum where all the false children lived or unlived. The pair made lots of new friends. There was a boy made of wood, who had told a big lie so bad that his nose had grown. It pierced his father’s heart like a spear. There were children whose behaviour had been so terrible that they had transformed into beasts and creatures of the field. They met triplets who had the faces of swine. The pig children were abandoned by their parents. They were forced to make homes of their own. They made one from straw, but it blew down. So they made another from sticks and that blew down also. In the end the only material strong enough to stay solid was the very bones of their own parents. Thumbeana’s favourite was the boy made of hair. She heard a poem about him from a cruel set of rag dolls:
    Mr and Mrs Barber cut the hair of many a child in the shop under their home.
    After a while of doing this,
    They longed for a child of their own.
    Quickly it became apparent they were not going to be so blessed:
    Mrs Barber was seventy-two and Mr Barber, well, he did his best.
    Mrs Barber cried out loud, “I want a baby, I don’t care if it has a pig’s face.
    I want to hear the patter of tiny feet, or trotters, running round the place.”
    Mr Barber had an idea, because he loved his wife and was kind.
    He decided to make a boy from bits of hair in the barber shop he’d find.
    After a week of collecting hair, Mr Barber had bagged enough.
    With locks, tresses and manes, a boy shape he lovingly stuffed.
    That night Mr and Mrs Barber, from an old tome in Latin, aloud they read,
    Sacrificed a goat, had a cocoa, put their teeth in a jar and went upstairs to bed.
    It was shortly after midnight when the child of hair was born.
    Husband and wife were sleeping,
    When woken by a terrible groan.
    Something pulled upon the quilt,
    Something climbed upon the bed,
    The most wonderful gift they had ever received:
    A living boy made of hair,
    Completely;
    Foot to head.
    Their hearts filled with delight,
    With the future they would share,
    They hugged him,
    They kissed him,
    They loved him forever,
    This boy made of hair.
    Two weeks later the barber shop remained closed.
    The customers were not worried, a well-earned holiday they supposed.
    However Mr and Mrs Barber still lay in their bed,
    Grinning and happy,
    Yet, very, very dead.
    You see, it’s quite simple. You have to take care,
    Or you may end up choking to death,
    When kissing a boy made of hair.
    The days were spent in learning. All the children, too many to count, were taken to a vast hall. There were more mirrors placed around the wall. Each with Dr Grimm’s face reflected and reciting over and over again:
    ALL GOOD CHILDREN LISTEN,
    ALL GOOD CHILDREN OBEY,
    All GOOD CHILDREN EAT THEIR LEECHES,
    TO KEEP THE MADNESS AWAY.
    The room was mainly white and well lit by gaslight; there were no windows at all. In the daytime the un-children would line up and sing over and over again:
    ALL GOOD CHILDREN LISTEN,
    ALL GOOD CHILDREN OBEY,
    All GOOD CHILDREN EAT THEIR LEECHES,
    TO KEEP THE MADNESS AWAY.
    Thumbeana was surprised to find, not one, but many Mother May I’s. Each as identical as the other.The grinning May Is would join in by waving their hands, trying to keep tune. The guards clapped and groaned and did a sort of shuffle. Thumbeana would look at Thread Bear and Thread Bear at Thumbeana, not sure whether to pretend, or to join the sound of a hundred or so un-children trying to sing with mouths not designed for singing.
    ALL GOOD CHILDREN LISTEN,
    ALL GOOD CHILDREN OBEY,
    All GOOD CHILDREN EAT THEIR LEECHES,
    TO KEEP THE MADNESS AWAY.
    And so forth and so on again and again and again. The chorus only stopped for the three-times-daily dose of leeches. They all sat in row upon