The Bare Bum Gang and the Valley of Doom by Anthony McGowan Read Free Book Online Page A

were
the heart. I could stand the others rejecting
me, but not Noah.
    'Hi,' he said.
    'Hi,' I said.
    Then we didn't say anything for a few
moments. Noah looked at me, and then
down at his shoes.
    Then he said, 'Can we have a talk?'
    'Is it all about what a rubbish leader I
was, and how I ate all the sweets, and about
how much better things are now that Alfie's
in your gang instead of me?'
    'No!' said Noah violently. 'It isn't about
any of those things.'
    And then it all came out in a gush.
    'It's terrible now. I hate it. I'm sorry about
what we did to you. I know you wouldn't
have stolen the sweet stash. Alfie's taken
over the Gang and made himself the leader
and it's not like it used to be. We don't do
anything fun any more, but the others don't
really mind because he gives them sweets
and presents, especially Jennifer, because
he wants her to be his special friend. And
none of our traps are properly looked
after any more and the Smarties-tube Fart
Bombs haven't been filled up for ages, so
they probably won't even work if we get
attacked. And even worse, Alfie told us that
we could do a wee just outside the den, when
everyone knows that you have to go at least
a hundred metres away when you do a wee
or the smell will give away your position
to your enemies and wild animals.'
    By this stage I'd led Noah into the kitchen
and poured him out some milk to calm him
down.
    'Yes,' I said, in my wise voice, 'it's exactly
like the last days of the Roman Empire,
when they had rubbish emperors who
cared more about feasts and watching
ladies dance around with hardly any
clothes on than looking after their borders,
such as Hadrian's Wall and the Great Wall
of China and the Berlin Wall. But what
am I supposed to do about it? It's not my
gang any more. I'm in the Dockery Gang
now.'
    'Don't be silly,' he replied. 'I know you're
not really in the Dockery Gang. I read
about it in a spy book. It's called "being
in deep cover". But I saw what you did
with my shoe. That's why I came here.
You deliberately threw it so that it hit the
gutter, didn't you?'
    'Well, er, yes, I suppose . . .'
    'And you're only pretending to be in the
Dockery Gang, aren't you?'
    'Oh, yes, well . . .'
    'I knew it. So you're a kind of spy, just
finding out their secret plans, aren't you?'
    'Yes, that's it, I guess . . .'
    And when Noah put it like that, it all fell
into place. Yes, I was a secret agent. I did
aim the shoe so that it hit the gutter and
not the roof. Yes, I was planning a brilliant
campaign to defeat our enemies and win
back the trust of the Bare Bum Gang.
    'Let's go to my room,' I said, 'and I'll tell you all about
    it.'
     
    The very next day Alfie received a letter
written on a scrunched-up piece of paper
with bogeys smeared on it. The English was
completely rubbish, with useless spelling and
bad handwriting, exactly as if the person
who wrote it was a stupid big bully. This is
what it said:

    At the same time Dockery received a
letter written on pink notepaper decorated
with flowers and smelling of perfume.
    The writing was incredibly neat and the
spelling was perfect. In fact just the sort of
letter you would get from a creepy swot.

Chapter Sixteen
THE BRILLIANT PLAN
(AND A TALKING POTTY)
    OK, so I guess you're desperate to find
out what my plan was. You'll probably
have realized by now that coming up with
brilliant plans is my speciality, but this one
was the most brilliant I'd ever had. In fact
it was probably in the top ten most brilliant
plans ever invented in the history of the
world, even if I say so myself.
    The thing about this brilliant plan is
that it arrived in the nick of time. You see,
getting massacred in the Valley of Doom,
and then being kicked out of the Gang, and
then temporarily joining the Dark Side, had
dented my confidence, and it's hard to think
up brilliant plans when your confidence is
dented. But Noah's visit had changed all
that. Heroes often have periods when they
lose their powers and have to go off and
sulk for a while.