The Case of the Bone-Stalking Monster by John R. Erickson Read Free Book Online Page B

wandered. Hmmm. This lady was hard to im­press, but my next variation on the trick would no doubt leave her breathless.
    â€œOkay, Miss Scamper, watch carefully. This next move will knock your socks off.”
    It was a backwards flip, if you can believe that. Balanced on one leg, I went into a deep crouch, leaped upward and kicked my hind legs into the air, and . . . BONK!
    The crucial part of the maneuver is getting your back feet over your head and then around on the other side, without breaking your neck in the process. I didn’t quite get ’er done, shall we say, and came up with a crooked neck and sand in my mouth.
    But the good news was that she was smiling. That made it all worthwhile. Anything to please the ladies, I always say.
    â€œWell! What do we call that one?”
    â€œWe call it . . .” I tried to straighten my neck. “We call it the One Leg Hop-Circle, with Half a Flip and a Busted Neck. It’s a world-class stunt.”
    â€œI’ll bet.” She fluffed at her ears. “What’s next, or is that all?”
    â€œWell, I . . . actually, that was probably my best trick, Miss Scamper.”
    â€œOh shucks.”
    â€œBut let me hasten to add that I sing.”
    Her eyes swung around and struck me, “You sing?”
    â€œRight. I sing, as in la-la-la-la. You know, singing. Music. Songs.”
    â€œAnd I’ll bet we’re fixing to hear one, huh?”
    â€œOh . . . well, sure, I guess I could do one for you.”
    â€œAnd let me guess. You wrote it yourself, right?”
    â€œWell . . . yes, as a matter of fact, I did. But how did you know that?”
    She looked away. “Hon, I’ve lapped this track before.”
    â€œI beg your pardon?”
    â€œI said, let’s hear the song.”
    â€œWell, sure, if you really . . . here we go.”
    I’d Like to Be Your Pal
    Miss Scamper, we just barely met and I’d like to be your pal,
    But I’m not the kind of feller who gets silly over gals.
    See, I’m Head of Ranch Security, I call this ranch my own.
    I’m used to work and hardship and spending time alone.
    A lot of dogs will lose their heads when a lady comes around.
    They’ll go to howling at the moon and rolling on the ground.
    But that’s not me, it’s not my style, I’m more the silent kind.
    I hold my feelings deep inside this calculating mind.
    You’ve got the prettiest beagle face this cowdog’s ever seen.
    Miss Scamper, you just blow my mind, you’re every puppy’s dream.
    My heart’s about to float away like a big old red balloon.
    I swear, I’m thinking seriously ’bout howling at the moon.
    Oops, let me get control of things before my feelings show.
    See, I’m really not the kind of dog who wants the gals to know
    That I might be impressed at all by the way a lady looks.
    I try to run this ranch of mine strictly by the books.
    So don’t you expect for me to faint and blush and bow . . .
    Did you just wink your eye at me and arch that lovely brow?
    Now cut that out, Miss Scamper, I’m trying to stay composed!
    Dadgum the luck, I’m a sittin’ duck, and totally exposed.
    You’ve got the prettiest beagle face this cowdog’s ever seen.
    Miss Scamper, you just blow my mind, you’re every puppy’s dream.
    You shouldn’t have winked that eye at me, I’m as crazy as a loon.
    To heck with pals, I love the gals, I’m howling at the moon.

Chapter Nine: Doctor Buzzard Arrives

    W hen I finished up the song (it was pretty good, didn’t you think?), I saw her looking down at me with an odd little half-smile on her mouth.
    â€œWhat do you think of that, Miss Scamper?”
    â€œWell, it leaves me . . . uh . . . breathless, shall we say.”
    â€œRight. Me too.”
    She fluffed her hair. “I can hardly believe that my little wink could have such an effect on a big old hairy thang like you.”
    â€œYes, right.