The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism by Olivia Fox Cabane Read Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Olivia Fox Cabane
both impairs our presence and creates anxiety due to the pressure of finding the best possible choice. And a negative evaluation can easily put us in a negative mental state, such as dissatisfaction, envy, or resentment.
Because this tendency to compare is wired very deeply in our brains, trying to fight it can take a lot of effort. Instead, notice when you’re making comparisons and use the responsibility transfer technique to alleviate any internal discomfort it may have caused.
Self-Criticism
Imagine that you’re on your way to an important job interview. As the hour of the interview approaches, your internal critical voice attacks you with self-doubt, bringing up memories of past failures, past humiliations, and inadequacies. Anxiety rises, and if you don’t know how to skillfully handle the physical effects of your internal critic’s attack, your performance will suffer. (Don’t worry, you’ll gain all the tools you need to handle episodes like this in chapter 4 .)
Few things impact people’s performance more than how they feel about themselves. Athletes will tell you that a bad mental state will affect their performance no matter how well prepared they are physically. Psychological negativity can have real physical consequences.
When our internal voice starts criticizing us, lashing out, it can feel like we’re under attack. Because our brain doesn’t distinguish between imagination and reality, these internal attacks are perceived by our mind just as a real, physical attack would be, and they can generate an automatic physical reaction known as the
threat response
or
fight-or-flight response
.
The effects of this activation are well-known. Just as a zebra reacts to the stress of being chased by a lion, the human body shoots adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) through its veins, and directs all its resources toward crucial functions: elevated heart and breathing rates, muscle reaction, vision acuity, and so forth. The body is no longer concerned with living ten more years, but with surviving ten more minutes. It shuts down nonurgent functions such as muscle repair, digestion, and the immune system, 6 as well as “superfluous” functions such as cognitive reasoning. In other words, because it’s not critical to survival, intelligent thinking gets shut down.
David Rock, founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute, explains that “the threat response impairs analytic thinking, creative insight, and problem solving.” 7 This kind of negativity doesn’t just affect our actual performance, it also affects how others perceive us.
Let’s say you’re in a conversation. You say something, and immediately think,
Oh, that was a stupid thing to say.
What’s going to happen to your face? You may wince at the thought and your expression maytense. As we’ve discussed, because we can’t control our body language, any negativity in our mind will eventually show up on our face.
No matter how brief that negative expression, the person facing you is going to spot it. And all they know is that while you were looking at them and listening to them, a negative expression crossed your face. Naturally they’ll assume that expression was a reaction to them—what they said or did, or what you thought about them. This is how internal negativity affects your body language, and thus your charisma, in addition to your performance.
Self-criticism is one of the most common obstacles to great performance in any field. It’s often called the
silent killer
of business, because so many executives suffer from it, yet so few dare to speak out about it. I’ve heard a variety of people, from junior associates to the most senior executives, privately admit that much of their workday was consumed by negativity, their inner critics constantly pointing out their failings, or predicting disappointing outcomes for their projects and initiatives. In some cases, they (and I) were amazed that they got anything done at all, considering
Because this tendency to compare is wired very deeply in our brains, trying to fight it can take a lot of effort. Instead, notice when you’re making comparisons and use the responsibility transfer technique to alleviate any internal discomfort it may have caused.
Self-Criticism
Imagine that you’re on your way to an important job interview. As the hour of the interview approaches, your internal critical voice attacks you with self-doubt, bringing up memories of past failures, past humiliations, and inadequacies. Anxiety rises, and if you don’t know how to skillfully handle the physical effects of your internal critic’s attack, your performance will suffer. (Don’t worry, you’ll gain all the tools you need to handle episodes like this in chapter 4 .)
Few things impact people’s performance more than how they feel about themselves. Athletes will tell you that a bad mental state will affect their performance no matter how well prepared they are physically. Psychological negativity can have real physical consequences.
When our internal voice starts criticizing us, lashing out, it can feel like we’re under attack. Because our brain doesn’t distinguish between imagination and reality, these internal attacks are perceived by our mind just as a real, physical attack would be, and they can generate an automatic physical reaction known as the
threat response
or
fight-or-flight response
.
The effects of this activation are well-known. Just as a zebra reacts to the stress of being chased by a lion, the human body shoots adrenaline and cortisol (stress hormones) through its veins, and directs all its resources toward crucial functions: elevated heart and breathing rates, muscle reaction, vision acuity, and so forth. The body is no longer concerned with living ten more years, but with surviving ten more minutes. It shuts down nonurgent functions such as muscle repair, digestion, and the immune system, 6 as well as “superfluous” functions such as cognitive reasoning. In other words, because it’s not critical to survival, intelligent thinking gets shut down.
David Rock, founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute, explains that “the threat response impairs analytic thinking, creative insight, and problem solving.” 7 This kind of negativity doesn’t just affect our actual performance, it also affects how others perceive us.
Let’s say you’re in a conversation. You say something, and immediately think,
Oh, that was a stupid thing to say.
What’s going to happen to your face? You may wince at the thought and your expression maytense. As we’ve discussed, because we can’t control our body language, any negativity in our mind will eventually show up on our face.
No matter how brief that negative expression, the person facing you is going to spot it. And all they know is that while you were looking at them and listening to them, a negative expression crossed your face. Naturally they’ll assume that expression was a reaction to them—what they said or did, or what you thought about them. This is how internal negativity affects your body language, and thus your charisma, in addition to your performance.
Self-criticism is one of the most common obstacles to great performance in any field. It’s often called the
silent killer
of business, because so many executives suffer from it, yet so few dare to speak out about it. I’ve heard a variety of people, from junior associates to the most senior executives, privately admit that much of their workday was consumed by negativity, their inner critics constantly pointing out their failings, or predicting disappointing outcomes for their projects and initiatives. In some cases, they (and I) were amazed that they got anything done at all, considering