The Childhood of Jesus by J. M. Coetzee Read Free Book Online Page A

say there is nothing wrong with me?’
    There is silence. Carefully the doctor folds his stethoscope into its black bag and puts it away in a drawer. He sets his elbows on his desk, clasps his hands, rests his chin on his hands, speaks. ‘Good sir,’ he says, ‘I am sure you did not come to this little clinic expecting a miracle. If you were hoping for a miracle, you would have gone to a proper hospital with a proper laboratory. All I can offer you is advice. My advice is simple: don’t look down. You have these attacks of vertigo because you look down. Vertigo is a psychological matter, not a medical matter. Looking down is what sets off the attack.’
    â€˜Is that all you can suggest: don’t look down?’
    â€˜That is all, unless you have symptoms of an objective nature that you can share with me.’
    â€˜No, no such symptoms. No such symptoms at all.’
    â€˜How did it go?’ asks Álvaro when he returns. ‘Did you find the clinic?’
    â€˜I found the clinic and I spoke to the doctor. He says that I should look up. As long as I keep looking up, all will be well with me. Whereas if I look down, I may fall.’
    â€˜That sounds like good, commonsense advice,’ says Álvaro. ‘Nothing fancy. Now why not take the day off and have a bit of a rest?’
    Despite the fresh fruit from Naranjas, despite the assurance of the doctor that his heart is sound and that there is no reason why he should not live for many years, he continues to feel exhausted. Nor does the dizziness go away. Though he heeds the doctor’s advice not to look down as he crosses the gangplank, he cannot block out the menacing sound that the waves make as they slap against the oily quayside.
    â€˜It is just vertigo,’ Álvaro reassures him, giving him a pat on the back. ‘Lots of people suffer from it. Fortunately it is only in the mind. It is not real. Ignore it and soon enough it will go away.’
    He is not convinced. He does not believe that what oppresses him will go away.
    â€˜Anyway,’ says Álvaro, ‘if by some chance you do slip and fall, you won’t drown. Someone will save you. I will save you. What else are comrades for?’
    â€˜You would jump in and save me?’
    â€˜If necessary. Or throw you a rope.’
    â€˜Yes, throwing a rope would be more efficient.’
    Ãlvaro ignores the edge to the remark, or perhaps does not pick it up. ‘More practical,’ he says.
    â€˜Is this all we ever unload—wheat?’ he asks Álvaro on another occasion.
    â€˜Wheat and rye,’ replies Álvaro.
    â€˜But is this all we import through the docks: grain?’
    â€˜It depends on what you mean by we . Wharf Two is for grain cargoes. If you worked on Wharf Seven you would be unloading mixed cargoes. If you worked on Wharf Nine you would be unloading steel and cement. Haven’t you been around the docks? Haven’t you explored?’
    â€˜I have. But the other wharves have always been empty. As they are now.’
    â€˜Well, that makes sense, doesn’t it? You don’t need a new bicycle every day. You don’t need new shoes every day, or new clothes. But you do have to eat every day. So we need lots of grain.’
    â€˜Therefore if I were to transfer to Wharf Seven or Wharf Nine I would have an easier time. I could take whole weeks off work.’
    â€˜Correct. If you worked on Seven or Nine you would have an easier time. But you would also not have a full-time job. So, on the whole, you are better off on Two.’
    â€˜I see. So it is for the best, after all, that I am here, on this wharf, in this port, in this city, in this land. All is for the best in this best of all possible worlds.’
    Ãlvaro frowns. ‘This isn’t a possible world,’ he says. ‘It is the only world. Whether that makes it the best is not for you or for me to decide.’
    He can think of several replies,