The Complications of T by Bey Deckard Read Free Book Online Page A

tears roll down his cheeks.
    “I just don’t know if I’m strong enough for that,” he whispered.
    “I think we can make it work. I think this thing between us deserves more than five short days.”
    “Six, if you count tomorrow.”
    “Six is not enough, Tim. I want more.”
    “So do I,” he said and let out a shuddering sigh. Then he shrugged, but the hopeless look in his eyes hadn’t diminished. I leaned over to put my bottle on the little side table before pulling him into my arms. I rested my cheek on top of his head while I hugged him tight, contemplating the situation. Oh, I knew what people would say:
    Not a real man … Freak … Tranny …
    Hell, Tim didn't even like to use the term trans man when referring to himself. He said he was a gay man first and foremost, and it was no one’s business that he was trans.
    “It might not be that bad. The world’s changing,” I said, hopeful.
    “Not fast enough,” came the mutter against my shoulder.
    “Well… you know… If you come with me, it’ll give you more time to work me up to letting you use that ridiculously big cock of yours on me…” I smiled when Tim began to laugh, and he pulled away, scrubbing at his tears.
    “It is pretty big, isn’t it?” he said, still chuckling.
    The L-shaped double-ended dildo that Tim owned intimidated me more than I’d like to admit, both in its girth and how real it looked when he wore it. I was expanding my horizons, but sometimes I hit pockets of resistance when it came to how far I could push myself out of my comfort zone.
    “You’d let me, eh?” Tim asked with a grin.
    “Okay… Maybe not with ‘Tiny’ to begin with. But maybe something smaller. I’ve been reading stuff about how a lot of men enjoy, uh, pegging.”
    Tim burst out laughing again.
    “When?”
    “When what? When can you… ?”
    “No, when were you reading these things?” This time the tears he wiped from his eyes were from mirth instead of sadness. I was happy that I could do something to change his mood.
    “Earlier,” I said, my face warm. “When you were answering emails.”
    “I thought you said you were checking rugby scores.”
    “I did. And then I did some reading after that.”
    “So, you were sitting there, reading all about prostate orgasms when I thought you were looking up rugby. No wonder you had that look on your face.” Tim’s grin dimpled his cheeks.
    “What look?”
    “The one you get when I start talking about how I want your dick in my mouth because I’m craving the taste of your cum.” Tim’s eyes narrowed in amusement. “Yeah, there… that look.”
    “You have one hell of a mouth on you.”
    “And you love it,” he replied, but then his face took on that guarded cast it sometimes did, and he looked away.
    “What?” I hated it when he pulled back the way he did, but I thought I understood where it was coming from. How to make him believe that I would do everything, absolutely everything in my power to keep him safe with me? It couldn’t possibly be as hopeless as he thought it was… But I was approaching this from the perspective of someone who’d never questioned his gender or the nature of his sexuality.
    Well… Until now.
    Was Tim right? Was I really ready to proclaim to the world that I was seeing a man? A transgendered man? I tried to beat down the panicky feeling I got when I admitted to myself that being with Tim was a huge departure from the norm.
    Fuck the norm .
    “Bottom line, I want you in my life,” I said quietly, “and I’ll do anything to make that possible.”
    Tim’s dark brows sloped downwards, and a crease appeared over his nose, but he didn’t say anything for a long time. When he finally looked at me, he seemed sad but somehow resolute.
    “Okay. You say anything . What I need more than anything in the world is some time to process things. To work on myself, I guess. I’ve been alone for a long while. Jumping into something like this… I need to know that you’re