The Crazy Dentist and Other Naughty Stories for Good Boys and Girls by Christopher Milne Read Free Book Online

One afternoon, Dianne Edwards gutsed down two chocolate bars, a bag of chicken chips, two licorice straps, a litre of soft drink, three ice-creams and a family-size block of chocolate.
    The next day her teeth fell out.
    It might not surprise you to learn that Dianne was a big girl. Or that she didn’t mind a lolly or two. Which was never a problem because Dianne always had heaps of money. Her mum and dad worked a lot, so to keep her happy they gave her fifty dollars a week.
    She needed love, not money, but what’s a kid to do? She spent the cash.
    Poor Dianne tried three times to tell her mum about her teeth, but she was always too busy to listen. And then when her mum did notice, she was really angry. ‘Serves you right!’ she said. ‘All those lollies you eat.’
    Finally, they went to the dentist. Well, that’s not quite true. Dianne went by herself. Her parents had to work that day.
    Dianne hated the dentist. As she walked along the street to the dark-looking house where he worked, she felt sick. Sick and cold and scared. And really mad at her mum.
    Wouldn’t it be nice, thought Dianne, to just run away from everything? Mum and Dad included.
    Suddenly, there was a kid running straight at her, screaming, ‘Don’t go in! He’s crazy!’
    â€˜Who?’ asked Dianne.
    â€˜The dentist,’ said the kid. ‘He’s new. And he’s crazy. My brother says he just got out of the loony bin!’
    Then the kid’s mother was running after him, yelling, ‘Richard, come back here now! Did you hear me?’ But the kid was gone, running as fast as he could.
    Oh, terrific, thought Dianne. If she didn’t go to the dentist, her mum would kill her. If she did go, it sounded as if the dentist would do the same. As Dianne nervously opened the front door, she almost felt like fainting.
    Dianne only had to look at the dentist to know the kid was right. The dentist had sticky-out hair, thick glasses, bits of food in his teeth and a really loony smile. And he had come to the door with a hammer in his hand. If Dianne felt sick before, you can imagine how she felt now.
    â€˜Now,’ said the dentist, ‘your mother told me on the phone you’ve been a very naughty girl. Too many lollies, is that right?’
    Dianne was too nervous to answer.
    â€˜Well,’ said the dentist, dragging her into the chair, ‘let’s have a look, shall we? Mmm. Not good. Not good at all. You’ve lost a total of seven teeth, which leaves twenty-one. Might as well pull out the lot and start again.’
    Dianne’s eyes almost popped out!
    â€˜Right,’ said the dentist, ‘I’d usually give you an injection for the removal of twenty-one teeth but since you’ve been a naughty girl — nothing. Your mother said to teach you a lesson.’
    Out of the corner of her eye, Dianne could see the dentist smiling as he reached into a cupboard for a huge pair of teeth puller-outers. He snapped them closed a couple of times, grinning, and whispered to himself, ‘Yes!’
    Inside, Dianne could feel herself saying a very big ‘No!’
    It’s funny how things happen. Sometimes, we have only seconds to make decisions that can change the whole of our lives. And this was one of those times. Dianne decided that if the dentist thought he was going anywhere near her teeth, he had another think coming.

    Dianne waited and waited, and just as the dentist reached into her mouth, she rammed her knee upwards. Bang! Right on the dentist’s chin.
    The dentist couldn’t believe it. He dropped the puller-outers and stood there. ‘Great,’ he said. ‘I love a fight!’
    As the dentist reached for his hammer, Dianne grabbed the drill, switched it on and stuck it straight into the dentist’s butt.
    â€˜Ouch!’ screamed the dentist.
    But that wasn’t all. The turning drill grabbed at his pants, twisted them in a knot and gave him