The Culture Code by Clotaire Rapaille Read Free Book Online Page B

experience to make a decision of this type? Only his parents can know what kind of marriage is appropriate for him and will allow him to raise the best family. And you say the woman is younger. That means she is even less experienced than he is!”
    They save their greatest contempt, though, for the notion that Westerners marry for love. “Love is a
temporary disease,
” they tell me. “It is foolish to base something as important as the creation of a family on something so temporary.” This is still the prevalent sensibility in Japan today, even though the “content” of Japanese culture has changed. While Japanese teens might date more often than their parents did, and might spend more time meeting up at clubs, most marriages are still arranged and few have anything to do with romance. This all might sound terribly harsh to American ears, but there is at least some logic in it: while nearly half of all American marriages end in divorce, the Japanese divorce rate is less than 2 percent.
    This is not to suggest that older cultures necessarily have a clearer vision of the world. In fact, as you will see over the course of this book, there are many instances where the “adolescent” approach is the more effective one. When it comes to love, however, it is obvious that the American culture is currently in an uneasy place. A woman searches for Mr. Right because she believes the stories she reads in books or watches at the movies; she finds someone she believes she can “change” into her ideal man, and she disappointedly sees her efforts fail. A man searches for Ms. Perfect for many of the same reasons; he finds a woman who excites him, he believes it will stay this way forever, and he is disappointed when motherhood takes her interests elsewhere.
    This quest for perfection is, of course, on Code: our cultural unconscious compels us to have unrealistically high standards for love. However, as that 50 percent divorce rate indicates, the Code isn’t making our lives easier. Here is a case where an understanding of the Code can help those frustrated by love to go off Code in a productive manner. If you realize that your unconscious
expects
you to fail, you can begin to look at love with more sensible goals. While understanding and respecting the tug to find Mr. Right or Ms. Perfect, you can look for someone who can be a partner, a friend, and a caring lover, though she or he can’t possibly fulfill all of your needs.
    A prominent diamond company deals with the Code in a distinctive fashion. One component of its marketing focuses on the “false expectations” the American subconscious feels about love: its ads feature couples using diamonds to profess their eternal love or to confirm their commitment after years together. Another component of its marketing, however, deals with the consequences of false expectations in a clever manner: by highlighting the investment and resale value of diamonds. Both campaigns are strongly on Code, addressing our undying belief in the permanence of romantic love and providing a useful benefit when that belief fails to pan out.

    WHY DOES SEDUCTION MAKE US DANGEROUSLY UNCOMFORTABLE?
I was eleven years old. I was shopping with my mother. I already had a figure, a nice bust, but my mother didn’t want me to wear makeup. A middle-aged man was looking at me and came up to speak to me. My mom was right there like Superman saying, “You dirty old man.” She took my hand and we moved to another aisle. At first, I did not understand what happened. I just got a feeling of danger.
    —a fifty-six-year-old American woman, on her first imprint of seduction

    When the French beauty product company L’Oréal commissioned me to perform imprinting sessions on seduction all over the world, I got the opportunity to juxtapose the American Culture Code for this against the Codes of cultures that had long since passed beyond adolescence. It wasn’t at all surprising that the American Code was different