The Day the Ear Fell Off by T.M. Alexander Read Free Book Online

made it.’
    None came. There were thirty kids staring at his face and not one of them seemed to realise he had an egg-box-ear. My panic gave way to an overwhelming urge to laugh. Idiots.
    I felt a pinch and turned to see Bee purple in the face and blown up like a balloon. She obviously didn’t dare open her mouth. I quickly looked away but there weren’t many safe
places to look. Copper Pie was bent over making little squeaky sounds. Jonno was staring at the ceiling, which I assumed was his way of not losing his cool. Fifty had his hand over his eyes but his
shoulders were going up and down so I assume he was doing one of those silent deep-inside laughs that make you cry.
    Please let the Head come very very soon. Other kids were starting to notice the five weird children: shady eyes, bent over, stargazer, blueberry face and me, flibbertigibbet. (I like that
word. I think it means silly but it sounds like it means someone who flits between lots of things, which is what my eyes were doing.)
    The door creaked. At last, the other classes. And the Head.
    Miss Walsh opened the hall door and our class began to troop in, followed by the others. Unbelievably no one, not one person, spotted the false ear.
    Assembly was dull (not that I’d have been able to concentrate if it was interesting. It was too fantastic that we’d fooled EVERYONE). It was all about Earth Day.
Evidently it’s our generation that will have to save the planet. Fat chance. When the Head had finished her sermon, Jonno put up his hand and asked to be excused. Strange. People can usually hold on long enough to last through assembly. Must have been the excitement of the early morning adventure. He got back just as we started filing out.
    I risked one last look at Charles. Did I have a shock? It was almost me who blew it by shouting and pointing. The egg-box-ear was gone! A rubber elephant ear was in its place. I searched out
Jonno with my eyes. He winked. I winked back. I knew why he’d done it. It wasn’t because he wanted us to use his ear. He wanted to show that even a cauliflower floret would have worked.
I couldn’t wait for break to see if the others had noticed.
    ‘Bee!’
    Oh no! Why was the Head shouting at Bee? I looked round to see if it was a mistake. Maybe there was a real bee buzzing about.
    ‘Could you wait there with, er . . . let me see . . .’ The Head saw me staring. ‘Keener. Yes, you.’
    No. Not me. I can’t lie to the Head. How does she know it was us?
    I wished I’d excused myself like Jonno and stayed in the loo till break.
    Bee and I watched everyone else disappear. The Head was chatting to Mr Morris so we did as we were told and waited, right by the statue. My heart was pumping at double time making my face go red
and my armpits soggy. I wanted to tell on Copper Pie, explain about the catapult, but knew I couldn’t. Me and Bee would have to take the blame.
    HOW WE GOT THE TEACHERS TO USE OUR NICKNAMES
    Miss Walsh is newish. On her first day she asked us all to tell her a bit about ourselves including our proper names and what we like to
     be called. She meant, if you’re Michael, would you rather be Mike? When it was C.P.’s turn he said, ‘I’m George but I’d like you to call me Copper Pie.
    She thought it was a joke and giggled, but Bee said (in a very serious voice), ‘Miss, why are you teasing our friend?’ C.P. lifted up the lid,
     put his head in his desk and pretended to be very upset. (He was actually trying not to laugh out loud.) Miss Walsh didn’t know what to do and he wouldn’t bring his head out so
     in the end she agreed to call him Copper Pie.
    Then it was Fifty’s turn. ‘My name is Thomas but I’m known as Fifty.’ He lifted the lid of his desk up a weeny bit so she quickly
     said, ‘Fine.’ All I had to do was follow the others. (I’m not telling you what my other name is because it’s ridiculous.) After a while the Head started using our
     ‘chosen names’ (that’s what she calls