The Enlightened Sex Manual: Sexual Skills for the Superior Lover by David Deida Read Free Book Online Page B

They relieved me of sexual tension and left me feeling relaxed. But now I realized that this relaxation was actually depletion. I felt less stressed because I had less energy flowing through me. I got out of bed and tried to do some of the exercises the old man in the book• store had taught us, but my energy was too low. A baby would have been able to push me over. I got back in bed and went to sleep.
    For many months, I continued masturbating, but without ejaculation. I discovered inner ecstasies and nuances of energy flow that I hadn't experienced when I first learned about internal energy from the old man in the mall, before I had become sexu• ally active.
    Eventually I found a new girlfriend. I wasn't expecting it, but the first time we hugged I felt the energy flowing through her body as we embraced. It was as if I had x-ray vision; I could feelingly see the circuitry within her body. I could feel where her energy was flowing full and where it was blocked. As I hugged her, I changed my position and my breathing in order to help her energy flow more fully. I felt how our emotional closure also closed our energy, and how opening in love served to open our flow of energy.
    After our hug, she stepped back and I noticed her eyes were moist. We looked into each other's eyes and felt each other, vul• nerable, opened, and astonished.
    Something that was previously confounding was now so obvi• ous that I couldn't believe I had never seen it before. My girlfriends

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    had always been sensitive to the internal flow of energy, to the bodily flow of love. Energetically, it was as if they could see and I was blind.
    Their shifting moods - upset, anger, lust, lack of inter• est - had, in effect, been a kind of test: Would I continue to be an energetically disadvantaged nerd, trying to reduce everything to words and mentalized communication, giving up when their emotional flows didn't fit into my mental boxes? Or would I feel their deep flows of energy - which spoke the heart's true desire - and dance with the push and pull of their moods so we could both relax in love? Usually, because I didn't know any bet• ter, I had given up in exasperation.
    Now everything was falling into place. The old man in the bookstore had taught me that true power is not muscular but energetic: my friend could easily bend my arm when I used only my muscles to resist, but when I felt the energy flowing through my arm like an infinite rod of light, he could not move it. I real• ized that I had been using my mental muscles to try to figure out and change my girlfriends' moods. But their emotional flows of energy were much more powerful than my seemingly more "muscular" mind. My girlfriends bent me every time. Because I didn't know what to do, I took the easy way out and masturbated. But now things had changed.
    A few evenings after our first hug, I was in my bedroom with my new girlfriend. She stood a few feet away from me, her eyes downcast. Instead of being my usual doltish self and asking her what was wrong, I very slowly moved closer to her, feeling her energy every inch of the way. For a moment, I felt her energy close down, so I stopped moving. I breathed with her rhythm, synchronizing my breath with hers, feeling her mood through

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    and through, until my feeling reached her heart. I felt what she felt. Her deep needs - previously so mysterious to me - were now as intimate as mine. She relaxed and I continued moving toward her, ever so slowly.
    Step by step, feeling through her shifting moods into her heart, breathing her breath, feeling her energy, I embraced and kissed her. No part of her escaped my feeling. I knew what it meant to love with the whole body. I could feel her deepest heart, her toes, her ears. I was able to feel her ever-changing currents of energy tingling, warming, and slithering throughout her body. Soon we were making love.
    As I lay on top of her, she made a face and turned away. In• stead of thinking about