The Expectant Secretary by Leanna Wilson Read Free Book Online Page A

left. Now it seemed too late, too petty, too painful to bring up what should have been forgotten. Even if she’d never gotten over Brody, never forgotten him, never forgiven herself for giving her heart so completely. But she didn’t wanthim to know how he’d hurt her. Not now. Not when it didn’t matter.
    Reverting to the excuse and truth that she’d given the scholarship board for why she’d returned to the States early from her studies in Australia, she answered carefully, “My mother was sick.”
    He gave a thoughtful nod. “Your letter said she passed away not long after you returned home.”
    â€œThat’s right.” It still gave her a strange, empty feeling that she couldn’t pick up the nearest phone and call her mother. She didn’t think the gaping hole in her heart would ever close from that traumatic loss. The loneliness had been unbearable during her marriage to James, when she’d longed to call her mother for advice. Now a sharp twist constricted her heart. She couldn’t share her pregnancy with her mother, either.
    He paused for a moment as if to pay tribute to her long-ago buried mother. When he next spoke, his tone had hardened. “And then you married your old boyfriend.”
    â€œYes. James.”
    His mouth pulled to the side as if he couldn’t make himself say the name. Several moments passed as they each concentrated on their sandwiches. Then he pinned her with a fine-pointed stare. “Has he made you happy, Jillian?”
    Startled by the question, by the concern in his voice, her mind spun. Happy? Had James made her happy? Words clogged her throat. Her engagement had made her dying mother happy. The match had pleased James’s folks. She wasn’t sure what Jameshad wanted. Another conquest? A Stepford wife to help him climb the ladder of success?
    And her? What had she wanted? Security? Comfort? Escape from memories…and gnawing pains of regret and loneliness. Had it brought her happiness? No. Her marriage had only made things worse.
    It was an answer she couldn’t readily admit. Especially to Brody. Her marriage to James had been a mistake from the start. But still the admission tasted bitter.
    Instead, she skirted the topic completely with, “James is dead.”
    Â 
    Jillian Hart Tanner. A widow?
    That description didn’t compute. Brody’s mind replayed her words over and over, as if trying to make sense of an illogical equation. It seemed simple. But the implications were mind-boggling. Finally the answer clicked and shifted his universe.
    She’s not married.
    She doesn’t have a husband.
    She’s available!
    A surge of unreserved, unabashed optimism flooded his soul. His pulse quickened, his blood pumped, hot and fast.
    He stared at her, seeing her as he once had, beautiful, intelligent, single. But something in her eyes had changed. Sadness darkened, swirled in those aqua depths like storm clouds. He imagined her tears as she cried for her dead husband. Those tears poured over him, dousing his inappropriate excitement.
    You fool, can’t you see she’s hurting? Can’t you be sensitive, instead of thinking of yourself?
    Guilt saturated him, made him focus on Jillian. Her pain. Her loss.
    â€œI’m sorry, Jillie.” Not sorry that James was dead. He’d never liked James Tanner. Hell, he hadn’t even met the bloke. But he’d despised him for taking Jillian away…for marrying the only woman he’d ever loved. “I didn’t know.”
    â€œIt’s not something I talk much about.”
    He nodded. “Doesn’t come up in conversations easily, does it?”
    She shook her head and stared down at her hands. Her fingers turned white. He wondered if it was a struggle every day for her to wrestle her composure, to combat the anguish.
    Like a slap, the truth hit him, the sting resonating through him, making a part of him he’d thought long