smell the Scotch mixed with perfume. She struggled to raise herself to her knees and wipe the snow off her cheeks, scowling, ready to light into her sister.
But then she saw Jillyâs face, inches from her own, lit up with laughter. Birdie could only stare into that beautiful face, beautiful not for the reasons fashion magazines had clamored for herpicture, but because it was the face she remembered from their childhood. Jillyâs eyes were bright with a childlike joy and that incomparable pleasure of just being alive that she hadnât seen in her since they were kids. Birdie wasnât sure if Jilly was happy, or merely drunk.
âMissed you, sis,â Jilly said soberly, still looking into her eyes with a wistfulness that was endearing. She reached up to swipe away a chunk of snow from Birdieâs collar. âYou always made the best snow angels, remember? The snow was just like this, too. Soft, like powder. Remember?â Then with a cocky smirk she added, âBut I always had to drag you out here, even then.â
Though the words were slurred, Birdie smiled and nodded, remembering it all.
Hannah sat up and howled with laughter at seeing her mother dumped in the snow. There was a look of awe on her face; she couldnât believe anyone would really dare to do that to her mother. Beside her, Rose, the traitor, was laughing so hard tears were icing on her lashes and she clapped her hands in the same spontaneous manner she used to when she was little.
Something deep within Birdie pinged; she could hear the sound in her mind as clearly as she heard the laughing of the three women she loved most in the world. It was a rare moment of intense beauty and joy. Their world, their senses, felt heightened. She breathed in the cool air, slowly and deeply, feeling the moisture slide down her throat and enter her lungs. The snow made her cheeks burn with cold. She imagined they were cherry red, like Hannahâs, and the sting made her feel alive.
What small miracle had transpired that allowed her to be kneeling in the new-fallen snow in the moonlight with her sisters, laughing like children. Playing, rather than fussing over details of the funeral?
She knew the answer, of course. Jilly. It had always been Jilly who started the games.
Ah, but it was cold, and late, her mind rushed to warn her. They couldnât stay out here forever. Reality interfered. Suddenly, she was no longer a child but a grown-up, with an adultâs sensibilities. She knew that a drunk could get hypothermia and not even know it. She knew that there were countless details to be sorted out before the funeral tomorrow. The dinner had to be served. Jilly probably needed to get some food in her. And unlike her sisters, Birdie was a mother. A wife. A doctor. She had responsibilities.
In a flash, she felt herself projected out from the scene, becoming an outsider, looking in. She couldnât play. She pushed a hand through her hair and looked again at Jilly, then at Rose, and finally her own daughter, Hannah, still making snow angels. Birdie felt very cold. Her fingertips were flaming red and her toes were numb. âOkay, everybody, time to go in.â
âOkay, Mom,â Rose called back, giggling at her own joke.
Birdie wanted to shout back that she wasnât her mother. She didnât want to be the mother. Slowly, she dragged herself to her feet, feeling every one of her forty-one years.
âI said, everybody up. Time to go in.â
Ever the cooperative one, Rose climbed to her feet and offered her hand to Jilly. This time, Jilly went along, allowing Rose to take one hand and Hannah the other as they hauled her to her feet. She rose like a beautifully plumed bird, graceful, arms outstretched. A phoenix, Birdie thought with a wry smile.
âI think Iâm going to be sick,â Jilly moaned once she was on her feet, weaving.
âToo much booze,â Birdie said matter-of-factly as she stepped forward to
Lightnin' Hopkins: His Life, Blues