The Funeral Planner by Lynn Isenberg Read Free Book Online Page B

them in class after saying something intelligent from what you learned in here.”
    She looks dubiously at me. “Really?”
    “Do you mind? I’m trying to put together an industry map. I need to gather information,” I whisper. “So I can attract VC money.”
    “What’s VC?”
    “Venture capitalist.”
    “That sounds sexy.” She peers at our surroundings. “Well, you won’t get much help from the librarian. She’s rubbing her temples. It’s either a migraine or a hangover. I’d say hangover, because she definitely looks dehydrated.”
    “Eve. How badly do you need those credits?” I ask.
    She sighs and sits down, crossing her arms and legs. “Okay.”
    “I need you to find information about funerals.”
    She gives me a strange look. “They’re boring and it’s impossible to wear all black and stand out in a crowd that’s wearing the same thing. And…it’s a challenge not to mess up your makeup. Those tears get in the way. Someone should invent funeral mascara. What else do you need to know?”
    “Facts and figures, please, not a treatise on funeral fashion. Find out everything you can about funeral homes—how many are in the U.S., the average number of funeral services per year, their average cost, anything with numbers attached to it.”
    “You just had to throw in statistics, didn’t you.” She sighs and takes a notebook out of her Prada knapsack, gets online and starts typing, one finger at a time.
    While Eve gets to work I do my own digging. I quickly discover the difference between an “at time of need” client and a “pre-need” client. “Time of need” clients are people who have just lost a loved one and are in need of funeral arrangements on an immediate basis. Pre-need clients are people who wish to plan in advance. Based on this information it’s clear to me that Lights Out Enterprises needs to be designed primarily around the affluent pre-need client.
    In addition, the numbers point to an increase in preplanning and prepayment of funerals with a huge increase in cremation, which in turn results in less usage of funeral homes to conduct a service, because for the most part, people opting-in on cremation are tending to opt-out on any accompanying services. That’s where I come in. As with my rollerskating shows at the age of six and the elaborate pranks I designed in college, I realize what I have to offer are creative experiences.
    And if I can design customized funeral events that can be reproduced and still maintain personalization, then I’ll have something marketable and meaningful. The goal is to shift the pain of grief into the context of a life celebration while honoring the memory of the departed. I break down the elements to include event planning and life bio videos with a list of strategic partners and outside vendors.
     
    Strategic Partners
    Funeral Homes, Cemeteries/Green Burial Grounds
     
    Strategic Alliances
    Anthropologist-Mythologist
    Technicians
    TelePrompTers
    Caterers & Restaurants = Designer Chefs
    Digital Photographers
    Fabric Associations
    Floral Arrangers
    Gravestone Companies
    Graphic Designers
    Lighting Designers
    Music Production Libraries/Soundtrack
      Libraries/Composers
    Party Stores Prop & Costume Stores
    Signage-Banner Companies
    Specialty Transportation Services
    Tent Companies
    Travel Agencies
    Video-DVD production companies
    Web Designers
     
    Eve announces, “I’m done.”
    “You’re done?” I’m afraid to find out what she’s possibly retrieved in such a short time. “Okay, what have you got?”
    She rattles off her findings with aplomb. “There are approximately twenty-eight thousand funeral homes in the United States with an average of two hundred services per year. Most are multigenerational family-owned businesses with a handful of major corporations who own consortiums of funeral homes and graveside cemeteries that are publicly traded on the stock market. Also, in the year 2000, there were approximately two-point-five