until it happened.
Maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, she started to think, maybe I really didn't understand what Aiden was saying. It would be so easy just to take that money. In her mind, she saw him taking out his checkbook, ready to fork over the payment right then and there.
She thought about how she could be standing in line at the bank right then, ready to deposit the cash and sort out her life.
But what would that make me? The question took root and wouldn't leave. Again, she thought of the genuine attraction that had been building for Aiden, and the way he so callously and casually wiped it out.
Just like pretty much everyone else in her life, Aiden wanted to use her for his own benefit. Do I have Sucker tattooed across my forehead or something?
Gwen perked up, rubbing at her eyes. There might be one other thing she could check.
Hope driving her feet quickly, she went into her bedroom and sat at her desk. She flipped open her laptop, glancing up at the poster of Big Ben she had on the wall. It was a nice black and white print she'd bought at a poster sale during her first semester at college.
Microsoft Word documents cluttered her desktop. All the various essays and papers she had going for school. But she found the Internet Explorer icon and fired up the browser.
Soon enough, she'd pulled up her online banking. Her student loan payment had gone in a few weeks ago. Most of it went to tuition, of course, and some of it had lined Janice's pockets in that last rent check she'd written.
But there might still be enough. Her fingers shaking, she typed in her password (twice, actually, since the first time she knew she hit the wrong keys).
Her account balance showed up near the top of the screen. It wasn't enough. Not even by half. Not even by a fifth.
Then thoughts of crawling beneath the inviting comforter, to squeeze her eyes shut and let the day pass away, tempted her.
But it was time to choose between her limited options, none of them really what she wanted.
She could take her pick of which parent she wanted to live with. Both of them offered to come and help her out, both of them offered her a place to sleep. But neither of them lived anywhere near close enough to the city to make commuting back and forth to school and option. She'd have to transfer or drop out.
Then there was moving in with Beatrice. She knew as soon as she told B about her parents, B would make the offer. She'd be able to stay in school that way, which gave that choice a leg up over the parents option. However, she could just feel it in her bones that she and Beatrice would end up butting heads. Not at first, maybe, not during that initial honeymoon period where Gwen knew she would feel all indebted and grateful to her friend, ready to forgive her anything.
But just like in any relationship, the honeymoon would end and they would start to disagree. Small things at first. Like how Beatrice liked to let her garbage overflow before changing it, or letting her alarm go for hours. Soon enough they'd get fed up with each other and that, as they say, would be that. And then she'd be in the same position as now, minus that option.
It seemed inevitable that she would move back in with either her mom or her dad.
Maybe it was a good thing, then, that Aiden didn't ask her out. Say they'd started seeing each other. Well, it wouldn't have stopped Gwen from owing all that money. They would have had to break it off anyway, when Gwen moved back.
She sat back in her chair, her glassy eyes looking at but not really seeing the bank statement on her laptop's screen.
Trying to think about something pleasant, Aiden popped into her mind, to her surprise. He did have a handsome face, and those cold, arresting eyes. She would so have liked to explore those depths, maybe find the real person who looked out through them.
He'd seemed pretty great for a little bit there. What with getting his company to be more charitable. Even coming out to check on the money
Chitra Banerjee Divakaruni