The Happiness Trap by Russ Harris Read Free Book Online Page B

which reflects the editorial viewpoint and attitude of the newspaper. (And let’s face it, some newspapers are far more sensationalistic than others.) We also know that at any point we wish, we can stop reading. If we’re not getting anything useful out of the story, we can put down the newspaper and walk outside.
    Now, this may be obvious when it comes to stories in newspapers, but it’s not nearly so obvious when it comes to the stories in our minds. All too often we react to our thoughts as if they are the absolute truth, or as if we must give them all our attention. The psychological jargon for this reaction is ‘cognitive fusion’.
What Is Cognitive Fusion?
    ‘Cognition’ is the technical term for a product of the mind, such as a thought, image or memory. ‘Fusion’ means a blending or melding together. ‘Cognitive fusion’ means that the thought and the thing it refers to—the story and the event—become blended. Thus, we react to words about a lemon as if a lemon is actually present; we react to words in a crime novel as if someone really is about to be murdered; we react to words like ‘I’m useless’ as if we actually are useless; and we react to words like ‘I’m going to fail’ as if failure is a foregone conclusion. In a state of cognitive fusion, it seems as if:
    • Thoughts are reality —as if what we’re thinking were actually happening.
    • Thoughts are the truth —we completely believe them.
    • Thoughts are important —we take them seriously and give them our full attention.
    • Thoughts are orders —we automatically obey them.
    • Thoughts are wise —we assume they know best and we follow their advice.
    • Thoughts can be threats —some thoughts can be deeply disturbing or frightening.
    Remember Michelle, who is plagued by thoughts such as, ‘I’m hopeless’, ‘I’m a lousy mother’ and ‘Nobody likes me’? In her state of cognitive fusion, those thoughts seemed to be the gospel truth. As a result, she felt terrible. ‘That’s not surprising’, you might think. ‘With thoughts like that, anyone would feel upset.’ Certainly that’s what Michelle believed— at first. But she soon discovered that she could instantly reduce the impact of such unpleasant thoughts by applying the simple technique described below. Read through the instructions first, then give it a go.
‘I’M HAVING THE THOUGHT THAT...’
    To begin this exercise, first bring to mind an upsetting thought that takes the form ‘I am X’, for example, ‘I am dumb’, ‘I am such a loser’ or ‘I’m so incompetent.’ Preferably pick a thought that often recurs and that usually bothers or upsets you when it does. Now hold that thought in your mind and believe it as much as you can. Focus on it for several seconds. Notice how it affects you.
    ***
    Now take that thought and, in front of it, insert this phrase: ‘I’m having the thought that...’ Now run that thought again, this time with the phrase attached. Think to yourself, ‘I’m having the thought that I am X.’ Notice what happens.
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    Did you do it? Remember, you can’t learn to ride a bike just by reading about it—you actually have to get on the bike and pedal. And you won’t get much out of this book if you just read the exercises. To change the way you handle your painful thoughts, you actually have to practise some new skills. So if you haven’t done the exercise, please go back and do it now.
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    So what happened? You probably found that inserting the phrase, ‘I’m having the thought that...’ instantly gave you some distance from the actual thought itself; it helped you step back and observe it. (If you didn’t notice any difference, try it again with another thought.)
    You can use this technique with any unpleasant thought. For instance, if your mind says, ‘Life sucks!’ then simply acknowledge, ‘I’m having the thought that life sucks!’ If your mind says, ‘I’ll never get over this!’ then simply