The Harder I Fall by Jessica Gibson Read Free Book Online Page A

time I didn’t pull away. I let myself go and I melted into him.

 

     
     
     
    L EVI AND I SPENT T HANKSGIVING in my dorm room, eating fast food and watching movies on Netflix. I couldn’t remember a better day in my life.
    “Hey, your phone’s buzzing.” Levi tossed it to me. I frowned when I saw who it was.
    “Hi, Mom.” I turned away from him.
    “Rebecca, I’m really sad you didn’t come home for Thanksgiving.”
    “Don’t start.”
    “Chad really misses you.” The mention of his name was a dagger in my heart. The one part of home that I would always miss.
    “I miss him, too, but it didn’t make sense for me to drive all the way home for a week.”
    “Will you at least be home for Christmas?” I could hear the ice clinking in her drink and the slight slur in her words.
    “I’ll think about it. Can I talk to Chad?” I just wanted this conversation to end.
    “He’s not here.”
    “Where is he?”
    “I don’t know; he said he was going out or to someone’s house or something.”
    I could feel my blood begin to boil; this is exactly what I had been afraid would happen when I left. She could never be bothered to keep track of us, or make sure we were eating or had clothes to wear. “Do you even care that he’s not home with you today? Most moms would want to spend the holiday with their children.”
    “Hey, don't get that sass mouth with me, Rebecca. I called you, didn’t I?”
    “I don’t have time for you or your excuses today. Tell Chad to call me when he gets home.” I hung up before she could respond. I was so sick of her crap, and my heart hurt knowing that Chad had no one today. The guilt I had been running from all along settled in on my shoulders like a lead coat, weighing me down.
    I hadn't even realized I was crying until Levi sat next to me and handed me a tissue. “Is everything okay?”
    “No.”
    “What can I do to help?” He enveloped me in his arms.
    “Nothing, I just feel so guilty. Chad has no one today. My mom is already drunk and it’s not even noon over there. She doesn't even know where he is; she just said he went out. I should never have left.”
    “Don’t say that. You have to live your life, too. And if Chad is half as smart as you, he’s probably spending the day with his friends rather than your mom.”
    Levi didn’t understand what it was like for us. We didn’t have many friends. Chad at least had one or two good friends, but for the most part, we stuck close to each other. There are some people who are not meant to be parents, and my mom was one of them. She’d never cared for us; when Frannie died, I never saw her cry once, except when they were arresting my dad. She was more upset about losing him than her daughter.
    “I can’t think about her any more today. She has taken up too much of my heart and soul for too long. She won’t ever be who I need her to be, and even if she could change, it’s far too late now to repair the damage she’s done.”
    Levi nodded, but he looked like he had something else to say.
    “Go on, then.” I motioned for him to say it.
    “No, I just feel bad that you’re so upset.” He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.
    “What’s wrong?”
    “Nothing, I just, no, it’s nothing.” He turned his attention back to the television, ending whatever conversation was about to start. I spent the rest of the day trying not to think about Chad, and trying not to wonder about what Levi had been about to say.
    I was woken up late that night by Chad’s call. My neck hurt from sleeping on the couch, Levi was still out on the couch opposite me.
    “Becca? Did I wake you?” he asked.
    “Chad? It’s late; what are you doing up?” I was relieved to hear his voice.
    “Um, here’s the thing. I sort of got arrested, but Mom won't bail me out.”
    I sat up and looked at the clock; it was 3:00 am where I was, so it was midnight back home.
    “You’re what?” I shouted into the phone.
    “Hey, calm down. Please, can you