time I knew something. I don’t have any other friends. Not really. Just fun and games friends. That’s all.
“I drank half a bottle of whiskey. It just tasted lousy. I tried turning on. I smoked three sticks. Nothing happened. Then I decided to go to sleep. I took a Nembutal. By the time I got out of bed to take the fourth pill, I knew I wasn’t going to sleep.
“I stared at myself in the bathroom mirror and all I could see was my mother. I was going to wind up just like her. They would come in in the morning and I would be lying there. Then I got frightened.
“I tried calling you, but they kept telling me that the number was disconnected. By that time I was in a panic. I had no place else to go, so I came looking for you.”
She brushed at her eyes with her hand. Her coat opened and I saw she had nothing on but her nightgown. “Let me stay here just for tonight. I’ll leave in the morning. Please.”
“You’re here,” I said. “Let’s go to bed.”
I took her into the bedroom. “Go wash your face. Your eye makeup’s all over it.”
Obediently she went into the bathroom; I killed the lights and climbed into bed. I could hear the sound of the water splashing in the sink. A moment later the bathroom door opened and the light spilled into the room from the doorway behind her.
“Do I look all right now?” she asked.
I couldn’t see her face, it was in the shadow, but I could see her silhouette through the gown. I laughed to myself. What I could see looked all right. “You’re fine.”
She hit the light and came into bed. I made room for her. “No, Steve,” she said. “I want you to hold me.”
I put out an arm and drew her head down to my shoulder. She was quiet for a minute, then she sat up suddenly. With a quick motion, she pulled the nightgown over her head, then she snuggled back against me.
“That’s better,” she murmured. “I want to feel your flesh against me.” She turned again and drew my hand to her breasts.
I could feel the firm strength in them and hard nipples puckering gently in my fingers. The heat began to rise in me. Now it was I who could not sleep. I moved restlessly.
She took my penis in her hand and soothed it gently. “I’m sorry, Steve,” she whispered. “We can’t fuck for a week.”
“I know,” I said gruffly. “Let’s try to sleep.”
Her hand was still. I closed my eyes. After a few minutes she spoke again. “Kiss me good-night, Steve.”
I kissed her gently, her lips pressed back lightly. She closed her eyes and her voice was barely a whisper. “Steve.”
“Yes?”
“Promise me something.”
“What?”
“First promise.” She was like a child.
I lay back on the pillow. “Okay. I promise.”
“In the morning you won’t look at my cunt. They shaved it and it looks funny.”
I laughed quietly. “For Christ’s sake, go to sleep.”
I could have saved my breath. She was already asleep. Her hand relaxed and fell away from me. I looked at her. She seemed so young and vulnerable in the dark. I closed my eyes.
But the warmth and smell of her was of a woman and there was no rest for me. Finally I got out of bed. She didn’t even stir. I went into the living room.
When I did fall asleep it was in front of the late show on television.
CHAPTER SIX
I was sixteen years old and in my junior year at prep school when my parents died. It was one of those senseless accidents that happened during the war. Because of the blackout regulations along the eastern seaboard, all automobile headlights had the upper half painted black so their beams would not be seen from the sky. When the other automobile crested the hill and the headlights shone right into my father’s eyes, he turned to the right just a little to avoid crashing into him. That was just enough.
The big Packard went off the road, down a sheer drop of three hundred feet, bounced twice on the rocks, turning over, and settled under twenty-eight feet of water.
“You’ve got to be