Adam’s exam results.
* * *
On the hour bus ride, it did not seem so hard. Tork had many memories, mostly good ones, of his childhood—of holidays, homework, Christmas, eating family meals with his parents and going to school every day, happy.
The letters.
They were a happy family, of that he was sure. His parents loved one another, and they loved him. But all the time, there it was. Bubbling away beneath the surface, waiting to come flying through the air and land on all their lives.
Everything was temporary, Tork knew that now. Some days, when he was with Adam, he forgot. Watching Adam’s face when they made love, he forgot.
But it was always there.
He wanted to be normal now. Every day, he got a little better. But he knew that it was always lurking, and only he could stop it. Every time he cut himself, it came back to this, and he hated it.
It went round and round his head, but finding the house was easy. Now all he had to do was knock on the door and watch it open.
* * *
He did not see his dad standing there, ashen and upset.
All he saw was the years after—Mum’s bitterness, his own cruel words to Dad, the empty bottles Mum tried to hide…
She drank and drank, and Tork tried to keep it all together against the world, and for a long time, it looked like he’d managed—at least that was how it appeared to the rest of the world. He calmly changed the telephone number and threw away the letters.
And he started cutting.
But he was calm. On the surface, he was calm.
Until Mum died. Probably an accident, they said. Tablets and alcohol together, so lethal.
But then the calm ended.
Still, Tork did not see his dad there on the doorstep, trying to hold him as the tears streamed and the lost years stood between them.
What he saw was the cork that exploded out, and the chaos of him losing touch, losing grip, losing everything.
He walked away. He just walked, and then he ran.
Chapter Eight
Adam
He banged.
“Tork?”
He waited hopefully for the banter. He loved this so much. Didn’t matter how shit things seemed, coming here to visit Tork made everything better. It was everything.
But today, it was all wrong. He’d already known that. These days, Tork always called him. Three times every day, throughout the summer, to check on his revision and ask him what he wanted for tea. After every exam.
And today, his exam results arrived, and no Tork, and that was very, very, bad. Mike had sounded worried when he rang. “Adam, I might not have said the right things to Tork. He looked a little strange as he left.”
But all Adam really knew was Tork had left the shelter at ten a.m., and there had been no contact since. Tork’s phone was switched off. At first, he thought it was probably nothing, but by now Adam knew when something was wrong. He’d already been to the garage, but no one there.
They never spoke about it, but they both knew that Tork still went there and Adam followed. There were things about Tork he’d never be able to work out.
Like the cuts.
Whenever they were naked, he secretly checked for new marks on Tork’s beautiful body. He didn’t understand, only that it happened every so often and usually coincided with Tork disappearing off to the garages.
He tried again.
“Please, Tork, let me in. If you don’t let me in, I’m coming in the window like Superman.”
Adam heard a loud miaow .
He raced across to the main building and headed towards a woman, who looked like she might be in charge. “Hi there,” he said in his best posh voice. “I don’t suppose you could let me into Tork’s room, could you? I want to cook him a surprise dinner and lay the table.”
She smiled at him. “Oh, you’re Tork’s friend? Well, he’s supposed to check with me first.”
“But he doesn’t know. It’s a surprise.” Adam tried hard to keep his voice even, but inside he was shouting and pulling her hair to hurry up.
“OK then, but bring it back.”
Adam nodded a million times, while