The Key to Everything by Alex Kimmell Read Free Book Online Page A

after a cold snow thaw. It opens slightly, welcoming you inside. You feel it pulling you in deeper. Confused and frightened, you’re screaming inside to stop and back away. Roaring to pull your hand back from the dark. Still, your hand slides deeper into the black. Farther than it should be able to. Your shoulder is pressed against the spines of the children’s books lining the top shelf. How can your hand still be moving further in? The branches dig deeper into your skin. Warm blood begins to flow down your forearm. Your panic finally takes hold, and you are about to retract your hand when you feel it. 
    It’s cold and soft. It must be old, very old. You can feel the dust and something squishy like mold. You move your fingers a little to the side to get a good hold. There are no more brittle branches stabbing and scratching. You pull what looks like an ancient, dust-covered book off the shelf, as if it were resting there next to Goodnight Moon  the entire time. The blackened cover was probably expensive leather at one time. The faded string is still tied around the book, keeping secrets locked inside. If you were to pull the knot out, the entire thing would disintegrate. You reach down for 1,001 Fairy Tales to put it back on the shelf, but it’s not on the floor. You look around for it and it’s already tucked away on the shelf, exactly where Jason likes it.

-4-
    Auden: Not Safe
     
    Jason is finally asleep. Emily sits with him on the bed, head in her lap, stroking his hair. You sit cross-legged on the floor next to the toy box, turning the old book around in your hands over and over. Afraid to open it, you run your index finger along the spine. The cracked and dry leather reminds you of Gram Aida’s skin when she was in the hospital. Emily looks at you to check in, and you nod that you’re ok. Keeping the book down in the dark, you move toward the door, motioning like you are drinking a glass of water. She nods and whispers, “Leave the light on, ok? I’m going to stay here.”
    You blow a kiss and touch Jason’s shoulder, gently closing your eyes for a brief second. Emily grabs your fingers, squeezes gently, and goes back to soothing the boy’s head. Raising your hand, you show her the sign language for “I love you”, and she smiles. The pained look on both of their faces infuses every cell in your body with shame. 
    Flicking the switch in the bathroom illuminates it with fluorescent light. You have to squint for a moment to let your eyes adjust. You put the book down on the shelf, and sit down on the toilet without lifting the lid. Everything plays back in your head. The vacant stare in Jason’s eyes, the hollow sound of his voice repeating, “Why did you hit me, Daddy?” You lose it. The sobs come, and your chest fights against the truckload of bricks being slammed into your stomach again and again. Your eyelids squeeze tight against the light, but somehow the tears make their way through and pour down your face. Mucous flows out of your nose and drips to your chest. Your legs quiver as your feet pound up and down on the floor uncontrollably, hands clenched in fists so tight your fingers might punch right through your palms. 
    After what seems like an eternity, you finally catch your breath and regain a semblance of control. You open your eyes and lean against the shower door to your left. Hearing the shuffling of feet, you see Jeremy standing in the doorway.
    “I have to pee,” he says groggily.
    You wave him over and stand, lifting the lid for him. He drops his pajama pants all the way to the floor, and you have to move him a little closer to the toilet so he won’t miss the target. He weaves back and forth a little bit with his eyes still half-closed. He finishes and starts to walk away. After a step or two, he realizes his pants are still down around his ankles.
    “Daddy…can you fix my pants?” He holds his arms straight up, and you kneel down to pull them up for him. “Thanks