The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel by Joseph Torchia Read Free Book Online Page A

bad if my mom and dad left me. Especially if they took Buster with them. Because then I wouldn’t have to hide my comicbooks anymore. And I wouldn’t have to go dump the garbage. And I wouldn’t have to worry about Sister Mary Justin anymore because if she called my mom and dad they wouldn’t be there.
    And so this is what I’m gonna do when I get Super, Superman.
    I’m gonna hide behind the statue of The Virgin Mary in  church and wait until Sister Mary Justin comes in to pray. And then I’m gonna pick it up and make it fly allover the place. And Sister Mary Justin won’t know it’s me and she’ll think it’s a miracle. And then I’ll call her a SINNER! only I’ll disguise my voice so it sounds like a Virgin. And then I’ll say,
    YOU’RE GONNA GO TO HELL, SISTER MARY JUSTIN! And she’ll get real scared like I always do. And she’ll say,
    PLEASE, MARY . . . PLEASE DON’T SEND ME THERE . . . SOB!
    And I’ll fly the statue right over her head and I’ll drop it right beside her and I’ll make it crash into a hundred pieces and she’ll put her hands over her head and start crying. And I’ll say,
    IT’S TOO LATE, SISTER MARY JUSTIN! HA-HA!
    And the other day while we was in church I noticed that the statue wasn’t wearing any shoes and it was stepping on a snake with its bare feet. Sister Mary Justin said sometimes The Devil pretends to be a snake like the time he talked to Adam and Eve. I guess it’s his secret identity but I don’t think it’s a very good one.
    So what I’m gonna do is I’m gonna get a REAL snake, Superman. And when I drop the statue then I’m gonna drop the snake too. And she’ll think it came alive and The Devil’s gonna get her. Only I won’t make it a poisonous snake because I don’t want to kill her. I just want to scare her to death.
    That’s why I better learn how to fly pretty soon so I can do it. So on Saturday I’m gonna climb to a higher branch of the apple tree and I’ll see how far I can go and I bet it’ll be REAL far, Superman. But right now I better say Goodby because Robert’s done with our homework and I gotta copy  it. I mean borrow it. Next time I’ll do it and he’ll borrow it back. My mom said you shouldn’t borrow nothing unless you return it. I also have to write a letter to Jimmy Olsen for Robert so I better say goodnight. Goodnight.
      
Your VERYgood pals, 
JERRY and ROBERT
      
      
      
    DEAR JIMMY OLSEN,
      
    This is a picture of Robert Sipanno standing in front of The Pulpburg Press with his notebook and his freckles. He don’t really work for The Pulpburg Press. He just likes to stand there a lot because when he grows up he wants to be a cub reporter like certain people are. I know you can’t see his freckles very good because I had to stand way across the street so we could get The Pulpburg Press sign in it. But he really does have LOTS of freckles like certain people have. And every time I read Superman comicbooks I keep calling you Jimmy Sipanno and I call him Robert Olsen and that’s because you look so much alike. Except Robert’s a little littler. The only trouble is that Robert is a Italien and you’re not because one time Robert asked his grandma if Olsen was a Italien name and she said it sounded Polish. But except for that you’re almost twins. I thought I should let you know in case you ever wanted to ask Superman to fly you to Pulpburg to meet him. So goodby.
      
Robert’s Bestfriend, 
Mr. Jerry Chariot
      
    PS: We always read all your storys in The Daily Planet and we think you write real good scoops.
      

      
    DEAR SUPERMAN,
    What you could do is you could give Mr. Mxyzptlk! a T-shirt with his name written on it frontwords like it’s supposed to be. And then when he looked in the mirror his name would be spelt backwords because that’s the way mirrors are. And then he would read it and he would disappear back to The Fifth Dimension with all the