The Language Inside by Holly Thompson Read Free Book Online Page B

do
    and it all just made me and them crazy
    so finally I ran away
    stayed with the older brother of a friend
    and eventually I called Chris
    and he came and got me
    that was three years ago

     
    it was supposed to be just temporary
he says
    but after a while everyone just
    agreed to let me live there
    with Chris and Beth
    it’s better
he adds
    and looks down
    I don’t drink at their house
    never have
    so it’s not a temptation

     
    I sit motionless
    thinking through all he just said
    Sam finishes his second slice
    and picks up our paper plates
    do you see your mom a lot? and stepfather?
I ask
    most weekends
he says
    as he stands and tosses our plates
    into the trash
    your father?
    hardly ever
he says
    it’s not good for me to be around him
    I go to AA
    but he still drinks

     
    then I’m not sure
    if I should
    but I ask
    did your Mom live in Cambodia
    during Pol Pot?
    and he sits down again and says
    when the Khmer Rouge took power
    she was four
    her father and oldest brother
    were killed the first year
    then a little sister and a brother died—
    from sickness, malnutrition
    and her mother was taken away . . . 
    then my mom and her older sister and brother
    were separated
    but found each other
    and finally made it to a border camp
    they got out in ’81
    when she was ten

     
    I think of the film
    of Dith Pran laboring in the mud
    starving so much he ate lizards
    nearly killed again and again
    finally making his way to the Thai border
    she must be incredibly strong to have survived
I whisper
    and lucky
    but he says
    strong, weak
    lucky, unlucky
    who knows
    and looks away

     
    then we hear a honk
    and through the window see
    Chris has pulled into the parking lot
    so we pick up our bags
    and step outside into the cold
    but Chris gets out of the car
    walks around to the passenger side
    and Sam climbs into the driver’s side
    what . . . ?
I say
    as I climb in
    I’m driving
Sam says
    I stare at him
    why not? I’m seventeen
    and in a week I’ll have had
    my license six months
    then I can drive friends
    without this guy tagging along
    and Sam pokes Chris in the arm

     
    I suck in my breath
    buckle my seat belt
    Sam backs out slowly
    pulls onto the main road
    and starts to drive
    with Chris giving advice
    every other second
    for which I’m grateful
    because it seems too weird
    to be in a car driven by someone
    practically my age
    in the dark
    in rain
    that makes the road
    hard to see

     
    in Japan
    you can’t get your license
    till you’re eighteen
    I say
    good rule!
Chris says
    how old are you?
    Sam asks in the rearview mirror
    when we stop at a light
    sixteen?
    in January
I say
    then at the next light he says
    so . . . you get your permit in January
    take driver’s ed in the spring
    and get your license in July
    I nod at his eyes in the mirror
    if I’m still here
I say

     
    they drop me off at YiaYia’s
    and Sam says
    see you next week
    or maybe before
    and my stomach turns one way
    hoping for before
    and wishing next week
    were tomorrow
    but then my stomach turns another way
    because in one week
    there’ll be just one week more
    to my mother’s surgery

     

I actually see Sam
    in the hall the next day
    pass him when he’s talking
    with a group of guys built like him
    not so tall but lean, broad-shouldered and muscled
    one of them, Jae-Sun, I know from Model UN
    and another, Tim, from biology
    Sam looks up when I pass
    and I say
hey
    and he says
hey
back
    and from the sound of it after I pass
    he’s getting teased

     
    this week in Model UN
    we’re working on writing resolutions
    and practice position papers for our countries
    Jae-Sun tells me I’ll probably make the team
    to go to the Boston conference at the end of January
    and maybe even New York in May
    I don’t say anything about how I hope
    we’re not living here at the end of January
                   and certainly not by May
    how I hope we’re back in Japan by then

     
    in dance club Tracy
    and