his own shit and blood and saw death beside him
sitting in a wicker chair. So he had lain back into his pillow, sighed and
said, “Okay, you win.”
It was then he began to talk
about his eldest son and how to bring him home.
It was also the first time he
had mentioned him in over sixteen years.
When he was laid up in his bed
and the doctor had given him his medication, he gritted his teeth against
the pain and curled his fingers into claws so that they dug tunnels in the
sheets. Twisting in agony he beckoned to his daughter and told her, “Go find
your brother.”
“Sure, Pa, I’ll go get him for
you,” said Piper. A few minutes later and she came back with Leo, who winced
when he saw the state his father had become.
Walter closed his eyes and
sighed irritably.
“No, not him. I mean your
brother Cal. Get Cal.”
Piper felt Leo stiffen beside
her but she dared not look at him. She stared at her father but the old man
had his gaze fixed to the ceiling, battling against the forces of his own
body, and she saw then what she would become despite everything she was now
and her back sank beneath the weight of her revelation.
“Pa?”
“Didn’t you hear me, girl? You
making me talk when I got no energy to talk. Do as I say!” he shouted and
then doubled over into himself. Piper went to help him but he smacked her
hand away. She looked desperately for Leo but he’d already left the
room.
When she went down the stairs
she found Leo standing on the front porch, his fingers splayed against the
fringe of the roof that hung over them. He was staring out onto the drive.
Without looking away he asked, “Is he dead yet?”
“What the hell is wrong with
you? Of course not,” said Piper.
He turned to face
her.
“Well, by God I wish he were. I
wish he’d hurry and up and go before he does something stupid.”
“I don’t want to hear you talk
like that.”
“That man up there is not my
father.”
“He may be more of your father
than you’d like.”
Leo lurched himself forward down
the porch steps.
“What do you want me to do?”
Piper called after him. He turned around, and when he did his face was half
in shadow.
“Get a gun and end it. If it
were a horse you wouldn’t think twice.”
Piper leaned back and clasped
her hands over her skirt.
“Well then, don’t ask me again,”
he said, his profile throwing up long shadows as he walked home.
After a while it seemed that the
medication began to take hold. Her father was weak but quiet, as if he had
resigned himself to his fate. Sometimes as she passed the hall that led to
his bedroom she would hear his voice and wonder to whom he was talking. She
mentioned it once to Lou Parks, who said not to worry, one of the side
effects of the treatment was hallucinations. He asked her if she wouldn’t
want to move their father to some palliative care place that would help
control his pain before he died, but Piper refused. She had nursed her
mother in that same bed before she died and she felt it was only right to do
the same for her father. Lou Parks shrugged and touched the rim of his hat
as he left her. She went to the kitchen to prepare dinner.
But then a few days later, Lou
came into the living room, where she was mending linen, and said gently,
“Your pa is asking for Cal.”
“What?” she asked,
startled.
He stepped gingerly into the
room, cautious to avoid any mines. “Walter won’t stop talking about the boy.
He wants to see him.”
“Could this be the effect of the
medication?” Piper asked hopefully.
“No, more like the effect of
dying and the regrets that come to you before you do.”
“Oh,” said Piper as she sat back
in disappointment. “I see.”
“Do you know where he
is?”
“Cal? Of course I
do.”
“It’s just what with Walter
feeling how he did about him I thought…”
“I never stopped talking to
Cal,” said Piper. “I just didn’t do it in my daddy’s earshot.”
“Well, it’s up to you,