The Lost Wife by Maggie Cox Read Free Book Online Page B

question her stomach lurched sickeningly in case he said yes.
    To her relief, he shook his head. ‘Like you, I don’t intend to get seriously involved with anyone else until Saskia’s grown. But nor have I resigned myself to some monastic existence either.’ A muscle flexed in the plane of his cheek, just to the side his scar. ‘I’m only human, and my basic human needs are no different to anyone else’s.’
    It took Ailsa a couple of seconds to find her voice afterthat incendiary comment, because she was busy fielding the giant wave of hurt that washed over her at the idea of Jake having his sexual needs met by another woman … maybe even
more
than one woman. They’d been divorced for four years now, after all, and it was hardly the first time the thought had crossed her mind. Most times she quickly pushed it away. But she intimately knew her husband’s needs in that department.
He had always been the most incredible lover.
That part of their marriage had fulfilled every dream of love and passion she had ever had
and then some …
    ‘What about
my
needs?’ she asked, struggling to keep her voice level. ‘Do I have the same freedom there as you do, Jake? Or don’t you think I have such needs any more since the accident rendered me unable to bear children? Perhaps you think it’s made me less of a woman?’
    ‘Don’t say that!’ The flash of shock and dismay in his compelling blue eyes took Ailsa aback. ‘Don’t even
think
it, let alone say it. You’re more a woman than any other female I know, and even though we’re not together any more nothing will ever change that.’ Getting to his feet he pushed back his chair. It was easy to detect he was breathing hard. Wordlessly, he lifted the box of eggs out of her hands and left it on the table. Then he slid his palm over her cheek, slid his thumb beneath her jaw to hold it steady. ‘Saskia always says she has the most beautiful mama in the world, and she’s right.’
    ‘She would say that. She’s biased.’
    ‘Didn’t you hear me?’ His fingers tightened a little round her jaw … tightened
and
trembled. ‘I said she’s right.’
    Twin desires of wanting him to say more, just to hear the smoky inflection in his voice at close quarters—a voice that could both comfort and seduce at the same time—and of longing to know what it would be like to feel his commandinglips on hers again swept through her. But Ailsa knew it wasn’t wise to crave either of those things … not when she’d worked so hard to recover from the hurt and rejection that had come so close to breaking her. She’d lost her baby and then she’d lost Jake.
    He might have instigated their divorce in a moment of black despair to finally escape the pit of despondency they had both sunk into, but Ailsa had readily concurred with it. The situation between them had become intolerable. They’d both needed breathing space. But even as she’d heard herself agree to legally ending their marriage she’d been utterly heartbroken at the prospect.
She didn’t ever want to need him so much again.
She’d told herself over and over that Jake should be free to love again, to father a son with someone else.
Why hadn’t he?
    Dangerously close to tears, she firmly removed his hand from her cheek and turned away. Then she turned back to collect the box of eggs from the table. ‘Would you like one egg or two with your bacon?’
    ‘You know what? I think I’ve lost my appetite.’ The bleakness in his eyes moved through her like a knife.
    ‘I’m not pushing you away, Jake. I just—’ She breathed out a long slow breath, fighting to get her feelings under control. ‘I just don’t want to get hurt again, and neither do I want to hurt
you.
We’ve got no choice but to be together right now, so let’s not spoil it, hmm? I’m totally open to talking about things, and maybe by the time it comes for you to leave we’ll have resolved some of the issues that have bothered us so we can be more at