The Mad and the MacAbre by Jeff Strand Read Free Book Online Page B

and Kutter licked it. He felt a little better.
    All right, so he'd made a bad decision and
wasted some time. Fifteen minutes was nothing, especially not when
he'd driven over two hours to get here. Now was not the time to
start doubting himself. "No use crying over spilt milk," he
said.
    He'd just have to laugh off this minor
moment of foolishness and drive someplace else where he was more
likely to find a single woman. No problem at all. He'd just drive
to the first public parking lot he could find, and then walk Kutter
around the area until he was successful.
    Charlie found a parking garage less than a
mile away. "See?" he told Kutter. "We're back on track." He parked
on the third level. Maybe he'd be lucky enough to get out of here
quickly and only pay the single-hour rate.
    He hadn't even shut off the engine before he
wanted to kick himself. He couldn't drive a victim out of a public
parking garage! Not only were there security cameras, but the
attendant would see him drive out of there with a
soon-to-be-missing woman. What in the world was he thinking?
    He'd made mistakes before,
lots of them, but Charlie couldn't remember ever having been
so dense during a
hunt. Was Kutter just distracting him? Could he not think clearly
with a dog in the passenger seat? This was crazy!
Bonkers!
    "I'm a creature of habit," he told Kutter.
"You're throwing off my game."
    The official hunt was over for tonight.
Charlie couldn't risk making another stupid mistake. He'd drive
around for a while and try to find a suitable location, and then
return the next evening. Better to waste a four-hour round trip
than get the electric chair, lethal injection, or the gas chamber.
There had to be a good place to hunt where there were no security
cameras.
    When he drove past the dog park, Charlie
burst into a fit of giggles so intense that he had to pull off to
the side of the road for a few minutes to recover.
    * * *
    She was perhaps the most beautiful woman
Charlie had ever seen. Her dog was ugly as hell.
    "What's his name?" she asked, as her bulldog
and Kutter exchanged undignified sniffs.
    "Kutter," Charlie replied. "With a K." He'd
thought of clarifying the "with a K" part during the drive over
that afternoon, and was very pleased with himself. It made him
sound friendly.
    The woman stroked Kutter's fur. "Well, he's
a sweetheart."
    "Thanks." The woman's bulldog caught sight
of another dog and tugged on its leash. Charlie knew he had to act
now. "Would you like to get coffee?"
    The woman smiled. "I can't, sorry. I don't
do caffeine."
    "It doesn't have to be coffee. It can be
anything."
    "I'd love to, but I can't."
    "Why not?"
    Her smile vanished. "I just can't."
    "Are you sure?"
    She nodded. "I've gotta go," she said,
letting her bulldog lead her away.
    Charlie made himself shrug. He hadn't done
anything incorrectly that time. He'd just try again with somebody
else. Nobody, not even movie stars, got a "yes" every single time
they asked somebody for a date. He had plenty of time.
    * * *
    "What's his name?" asked the woman, letting
Kutter lick her palm. She was probably in her fifties, but still
nice-looking.
    "Kutter," Charlie said. "With a K."
    "Hi, Kutter. You're a good boy, aren't
you?"
    Charlie tried not to grimace, Yeah, he
talked to Kutter way more than he wanted to admit, but at least he
didn't ask idiotic questions like that. What did she think Kutter
was going to say? "No, ma'am, I'm not a good boy at all, but I
appreciate your vote of confidence."
    The woman had a wiener dog. Charlie didn't
want to touch it. He knew he had to make some small talk before
asking her out.
    "What's your dog's name?" he asked.
    "Harvey. With an H."
    Charlie frowned. What other
letter would the name Harvey start with? Did she think he was a
moron? She was the
one with the hot dog dog, not him.
    Then he realized from her smile that she was
trying to be amusing by referencing his "with a K" comment. Duh. He
shouldn't have needed extra time to figure that out. If she