The Magnificent Spinster by May Sarton Read Free Book Online Page B

the theater, one who seemed able to understand completely and to feel with things far beyond her age. It was also a different girl from the one with whom he waltzed at the rink and who had a wonderful flow and skill on skates, even though she was almost as tall as he and might have made him feel awkward. There was nothing awkward about her, and Maurice decided that that was because she seemed totally unselfconscious. He wondered sometimes if she was even aware that she was beautiful. Am I in love with her? Maurice sometimes asked himself. And decided that he was not, partly perhaps because he was very much aware that if he overstepped his role as surrogate uncle there would be hell to pay. And then their friendship was so unlike any other relationship he had ever had with a girl, he wanted to keep it as it was, innocent and deep.
    He was asked to debutante parties as an eligible bachelor and enjoyed flirting and squeezing a girl’s hand as much as any young man, enjoyed the sensation of holding a young woman in his arms in a waltz, the softness of a young woman. But somehow these feelings had never led him into a desire to go further, to capture one of these charming young ladies and make her his wife. And sometimes he worried about this. Would he ever fall in love? Twenty-eight seemed awfully old.
    Jane was very sympathetic. “I can’t understand anything about it,” she told him. “I don’t want to be touched. Maybe there’s something frightfully wrong with both of us!” And at that they laughed, secure in all they shared, glad to shut out what everyone else did and everyone else felt.
    But in the year Jane graduated, Allegra and James came to the conclusion that now she was putting her hair up, Jane would have to stop seeing Maurice. Or only with a chaperone present. Maurice was asked to come for a little talk at eleven one Saturday morning while Jane, not told of this, was sent off to play tennis with Alix.
    â€œI know you will understand, Maurice, that Jane is about to come out into society, and what was unusual even when she was only a child will now become impossible.”
    â€œMrs. Reid, you must believe that I have never by a word or gesture gone beyond the limits of an uncle and a niece.”
    â€œDear boy, I do believe you … your discretion and kindness have been impeccable. You have given Jane joys she will never forget. We are grateful.” There was a slight pause while Allegra arranged the bow at her throat. “But …”
    Maurice observed this small firm person sitting very straight and wondered how on earth to deal with her conviction. “You don’t know what you’re doing!” he said passionately. “It’s cruel!”
    â€œPlease don’t make it harder for me than it is,” she said with great dignity. “I have often wondered whether our decision to permit such a friendship was wise. You will make me regret it, Maurice, if you persist.”
    â€œJane will never understand,” he said, rocking back and forth as though in physical pain. “How can you do this to her?”
    â€œYou are making me very unhappy,” Allegra said, but her glance did not yield. “I think you must promise me and my husband that you will not try to see Jane or communicate with her for a year. Give her a chance to meet other young men closer to her own age. I know you are fond of Jane, and I ask this for her sake.”
    Maurice was close to tears, and so ashamed of the intensity of his feelings that he got up with only one instinct, to get away as fast as possible. “You have my promise, Mrs. Reid.”
    â€œThank you.”
    She gave him a firm, warm handshake. And then, with a characteristic gesture, slipped an arm through his as she escorted him to the door. It was so unexpected he felt quite undone.
    â€œGood-bye, dear Maurice.”
    And then the door closed behind him. In the distance he could see a white dress,