The Mammy by Brendan O'Carroll Read Free Book Online

tomorrow.’
    There was a click and the door opened a crack. It was enough for Dermot, he bolted through with his pants half-way down his legs. Even as Mark was closing the door behind him a groan of relief could be heard from Dermot. Mark, eyes down, walked past his mother and made straight for his bedroom, closing the door behind him. Agnes followed him as far as the door and when it closed against her she stood for a moment in thought.
    ‘What’s wrong with him?’ she asked of no one in particular.
    Simon just looked at her and shrugged. Rory was too busy getting the last of the ‘goodie’ into Trevor.
    ‘Maybe he has worms,’ Cathy offered.
    ‘Don’t be so disgustin’ you,’ Agnes said.
    ‘People do get worms in their gick, Mammy, Cathy Dowdall told me, and they do be miles long.’
    ‘Shut up that talk about worms, and you stay away from that Cathy Dowdall’ wan. She’s a bad influence. Brownes don’t get worms and that’s that!’
    All went quiet again. Agnes gently rapped on the door of the boy’s room. ‘Mark ... Mark ... Mark?’
    ‘Janey, Ma, you sound like a dog with a hair lip,’ Dermot announced as he re-entered the flat looking much relieved.
    Agnes made a swipe at him, ‘I’ll hair lip you in a minute. What did you say to your brother?’
    ‘Me? I didn’t say anything.’
    ‘You must have said something,’ Agnes insisted.
    ‘I said, eh ... “Come on, Mark, me gick is comin’”, that’s all.‘
    ‘Then why is he depressed?’
    ‘It’s not me, it’s his willy,’ announced Dermot. The other children giggled.
    ‘Who? Who’s this Willie fella? Has Mark been fighting?’
    With this the whole group erupted into laughter, and even Trevor joined in. Rory’s face turned crimson and Simon had tears in his eyes.
    Agnes was furious. ‘Stop that!’ she screamed. The laughter died suddenly but the children were bursting to let it loose. However, seeing their mother so angry, they all held it admirably.
    Agnes scanned their faces. When she felt she had everybody’s undivided attention, she went on with her train of thought. ‘Now one of youse is going to tell me where I’ll find this Willie.’
    Cheeks were puffing, tongues were being bitten and tears were streaming down Simon’s face, who, even though not making a sound, was shaking with held laughter. The children thought they were going to hang on until Agnes announced: ‘When I find him, I’ll choke him.’
    The burst of laughter could be heard on every floor and in every flat of that building in James Larkin Court. Dermot ran out of the building howling. Rory went into hysterics, so much so that Trevor began to cry with fright. Cathy followed Dermot out the door and Simon buried his face in a cushion on the settee.
    Agnes swept Trevor into one arm. With the other, she picked up the spoon that Rory had been using to feed the baby and ‘boinked’ Rory on the head. Simon, who had nearly stopped laughing, roared again. Agnes went to the cupboard and pulled out the baby’s coat. After silencing his cries with the insertion of a soother, she put the coat on the child and turned to the other two.
    ‘Now, youse can take him for a walk. Rory, get the go-car down the steps and you, Simon, take him.’ She handed the child to Simon. She then went to her handbag and fished out her purse. She gave some money to Rory. ‘Bring me back some Tide and a pound of broken biscuits. Now, go on, off with yeh!’
    The two boys scurried out the door, and as they made their way down to the ground floor, Rory said something to Simon and the laughter started again.
    Agnes slammed the door. ‘Little bastards, havin’ a funny half-hour at my expense,’ she said aloud. The flat was now as quiet as a butcher’s shop on a Friday. Agnes went to the radiogram and put on an LP, Cliff Richard of course. She went to the bedroom door again and was about to knock, but decided to leave it; Mark would come out in his own good time. Instead, she began to tidy