The Marriage Mender by Linda Green Read Free Book Online Page B

waited until we were lying in bed at night to tell Chris. I felt his body tense next to mine. He said nothing. I took his hand. It felt colder than usual.
    ‘He might only see her the once,’ I said.
    ‘And then again, he might not.’
    ‘We don’t know how long she’ll be around. Or if she’ll want to see him again. She might find it too upsetting.’
    I knew even before the last word had fully left my mouth that I’d said the wrong thing.
    ‘What’s she got to be upset about?’ said Chris, turning to look at me with a frown.
    ‘What I meant to say is, it’s not going to be easy for her, seeing him after all this time.’
    ‘It was her choice to leave, remember.’
    ‘Yes, but we all do things we regret, don’t we?’
    ‘Name one of yours.’
    I thought for a minute. The only thing I could think of was wasting too many years with Matthew when I should have realised the relationship wasn’t going anywhere. But I wasn’t going to say that. One ex was enough in this conversation.
    ‘OK, so maybe I haven’t got anything as big as that, but you know what I mean. Let’s just leave it and see how the first meeting goes.’
    Chris said nothing. He let go of a small sigh. ‘This is doing my head in,’ he whispered.
    I slipped my arm around him, kissed him gently on the shoulder. ‘I’m not surprised. It’s a massive thing. It’s doing Josh’s head in as well, mind.’
    ‘I don’t know what to say to him.’
    ‘Well, just say something. He thinks you’re mad at him for wanting to see her.’
    ‘Did he say that?’
    I nodded.
    ‘OK. I’ll talk to him tomorrow. I thought I’d had all the awkward conversations with him when he was a kid. I didn’t think we’d ever have to go through all this again. It’s going to be on a whole new level now.’
    ‘He needs you, though, love. You’re the one constantthing in his life. Just let him know you understand that he wants to see her.’
    Chris turned and stared up at the ceiling. ‘I do,’ he said. ‘I understand completely. I’m scared, that’s all.’
    ‘Of what?’
    ‘That she’ll take him away from me.’
    ‘Of course she won’t. She couldn’t. Nobody could break what you two have.’
    ‘Nobody except a mother.’
    ‘He doesn’t know her. He can’t remember a thing about her. You’re the one who’s been there for him every step of the way. You’re the one he relies on. He’s not going to forget that simply because she’s finally putting in an appearance, is he?’
    ‘I guess not,’ he said.
    ‘I know not,’ I replied, putting my arms around him.
    Chris gave a tentative smile. Kissed me on the lips. ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you,’ he whispered.
    ‘Well, that’s the one thing you don’t have to worry about,’ I said.
    He kissed me again. Harder this time. And with the type of intensity which was fuelled by insecurity. It didn’t matter what sparked it, though. What mattered was the connection. And what kept it burning. He moved his hand down between my legs. I arched my back and bit the pillow to stop myself moaning too loudly. I was lost to him. I always had been, right from the beginning.
    Soon he would be inside me. And the connection would be strengthened again.

I actually stay up watching crap TV at night, just to avoid going to bed at the same time as him. Because I can’t bear for him to touch me or to breathe over me or even to speak to me. He makes my skin crawl.
    And that’s ridiculous, isn’t it? I mean, who’d want to live like that?
    And I think I’ve just woken up to the fact that I don’t have to live like that because, yes, I might spend the rest of my life on my own and die a sad and lonely old woman. But at least I’ll be able to go to bed when I want to.

4
    I waited until the following Saturday morning to have ‘the conversation’ with Matilda, venturing into her room while she was playing. She hadn’t reached the age yet where she wanted a lock on her door or even when you had