The Measure of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 6) by Ichabod Temperance Read Free Book Online Page B

will.”
    “Who’s going to make me?”
    “My friend.”
    “What friend is that?”
    “This fellow at the end of my cane.”
    “Hunh?”
    -thwock!-
     
     

Chapter Six:
The Unfortunate End
of Constable Keefer Smith
    P.O.V. Constable Keefer Smith
     
    “Doon’t be feeling blue, Keefer m’lad. We’ll soon have our jobs back with the department, just you see.”
    “I don’t know, O’Hagan, prospects are looking pretty bleak right now.”
    “And that’s why I have brought you to me favourite bar, Bucko. ‘The Thin Blue Lime’ caters especially to coppers, ye see?”
    “What’s up with that crappy band?”
    “Oh, them? They’re the ‘Derelicts of Duty’. They’re good coppers, even if they are rather off beat.”
    “Very funny.”
    “At least we’re not in the ‘fishy dragnet’ anymore.”
    “Call it ‘vice patrol’, please.”
    “Oh, I thought it a grand time, lad. I had a lot of fun in me sparkly dress. Didn’t you like parading around in public wearing women’s clothing and engaging in lewd behavior?”
    “Well, I suppose it wasn’t really all that bad.”
    “Oh, ho! Lookie here, Keefer. It’s the little Alabamian with the ‘out-o’-his-class’ girlfriend. He is by himself I see.”
    “Hey, Citizen Ichabod, come on over.”
    “Hiya fellers. I’m glad to see you boys wearing men’s clothing.”
    “Debatable, laddie.”
    “You look like you’ve been through the wringer, Citizen Ichabod. You’re a mess, all covered in various filths. My detective abilities expertly convey to me that you don’t smell nice, either. However, that is a most becoming and sparkling white parasol of which you are in possession.”
    “Thanks, Officer Smith. Did y’all get Sku Le’Bizzare safely ensconced in jail?”
    “No, Ickety, a shifty shyster got the vulture freed. Not only that, but he got meself and Keefer suspended from active duty.”
    “That’s horrible, Officer O’Hagan! Where is that terrible fiend, Sku Le’Bizzarzar now, I wonder?”
    “That’s a good question.”
    “Look fellers! A bright red clockwork parakeet just flew in the club!”
    “That’s not just any scarlet clockwork parrot, Citizen Ichabod, that’s a state of the art, Los Angelos squawk box! Police. Ornithological. Lengthy. Liaison. Ynabler. What do you have for us, P.O.L.L.Y.?”
    “Mm-bawk! Bawk! Calling all carriages! Calling all carriages! Mm-bawk! Be advised! Hordes of lifeless pedestrians on Hollywood and Vine. Mm-bawk! This mob of death is swiftly becoming unruly. Mm-bawk! All units! Respond immediately! Mm-bawk! That is all. Mm-bawk! Except that P.O.L.L.Y. wants a cracker. Mm-bawk! Bawk!”
    “Dang fellers, that sounds like some mischief that bad ol’ Skully Beez-zare might get up to, don’t it?”
    “Aye, Ickety. And that locale is joost around the corner. What do ye say Keefer laddie? Ye up to kicking that Caribbean banshee aboots one more time?”
    “You bet your sweet bippy, O’Hagan! Let’s go!”
    “Dang, y’all! There sure are a mess of folks fleeing for their lives down the street we are encountering as we exit the pub! I wonder what’s got ’em all so stirred up?”
    “My generous height allows me a view over these terrified masses of running citizens. Oh, I get it. They are running from the hordes of shuffling masses behind them. These unkempt and dirty, sometimes bloody, citizens do not move very rapidly, nor do they seem too energetic, but they are certainly menacing.”
    “Aye, now that the flight o’ innocents is past, I can see and hear the unruly mobbe meself.”
    mmrrrmm*munch*ammrrmmr
    “Howdy, folks. You all comin’ from a big party or somethin’?”
    mmrrrmm*munch*ammrrmmr
    “y’all ain’t too talkative, are ya?”
    mmrrrmm*munch*ammrrmmr
    “Do these citizens seem inordinately ‘hungry’ to you boys?”
    mmrrrmm*munch*ammrrmmr
    “Aye. Let’s ease on back, men.”
    mmrrrmm*munch*ammrrmmr
    “Those shuffling gaits and slack expressions give these folks a peculiar