The Mopwater Files by John R. Erickson Read Free Book Online Page B

to quit.”
    â€œExactly. It’s a heavy load indeed. Drover, have you ever heard of the ancient Samurai?”
    â€œOh yeah. It’s a steak house in Amarillo.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI said . . . well, let’s see here. I said, ‘they house snakes in Amarillo.’”
    â€œNo, no. It has nothing to do with snakes.”
    â€œOh good. I’m scared of snakes.”
    â€œAnd they don’t operate out of Amarillo. The Samurai were a society of warriors who lived in some strange faraway land.”
    â€œCalifornia?”
    â€œRight. Something like that. And they lived by a higher code than ordinary people, Drover. They were warriors who protected the innocent, fought for justice, and devoted their lives to righting wrong.”
    â€œI always wanted to be a writer.”
    â€œAnd so it is with the Head of Ranch Security. We are droven, Drivel, by a higher duty.”
    â€œMy name’s Drover.”
    â€œWe must do, not merely what is safe and comfortable, but what is right.”
    â€œI think I’ve got a novel in me somewhere.”

    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI said . . . well, let’s see here. Oh yeah. I think I’ve got a novel in me somewhere.”
    â€œOpen your mouth.” He did and I looked inside. “No, that’s called the Ulterior Punching Bagus, so named because it resembles a little punching bag.”
    â€œI’ll be derned. Maybe I ought to try boxing.”
    â€œExactly.” I tried to pick up my train of thought. “What were we talking about?”
    â€œMopwater, I think.”
    â€œOh yes. It was once believed that mopwater could restore energy and so forth, but that’s not what we were talking about, Drover, and I’m begin­ning to wonder if you’ve been listening.”
    â€œOh yeah, I heard it all. Something about a guy named Sam who traded snakes in Amarillo.”
    â€œNo, not Sam. Rufus. And let’s skip to the bottom line because frankly, Drover, I’m beginning to find this conversation a little confusing.”
    â€œYeah, me too.”
    â€œThe bottom line is that honor and duty demand that I accept Rufus’s challenge and fight a duel to the death.”
    â€œThat’s the dumbest thing I ever heard.”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œI said, oh boy. Good. Yippee.”
    â€œThanks, Drover, but there’s more.”
    Do I dare reveal the rest? Hang on and let me think about it.

Chapter Nine: Madame Moonshine Is Captured by Cannibals

    T hink. Think. Think.
    Heavy duty contemplation in progress.
    Please hold.
    Caution: dogs at work.
    All circuits are busy at the moment.
    Hot tamales for ninety-eight cents.
    Thought session completed.
    Okay, there we go. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to let you in on the startling revelation I revealed to Drover.
    I began pacing back and forth in front of him, as I often do when my mind is racing. “You see, Drover, I am driven by this devotion to truth and honor.”
    â€œYeah, and that beats walking.”
    â€œExactly. And truth and honor demand that I accept Rufus’s challenge. To do otherwise would be . . . what’s the word I’m searching for?”
    â€œSmart?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œBeet farmer?”
    â€œNo.”
    â€œPineapple?”
    I gave him a withering glare. “Drover, if you can’t contribute anything to this conversation, just be quiet.”
    â€œWell, you asked.”
    â€œI’m sorry I asked.”
    â€œThat’s okay. I couldn’t help it.”
    â€œShut up.” I probed the vapors and smoke upon the volcano of my . . . something. “Okay, here we go. I must accept the challenge and go into combat against Rufus. The problem is that I’m totally unprepared for such an ordeal and would probably be slaughtered.”
    â€œThat’s a problem, all right.”
    â€œHence, to prepare myself for this fateful mission, I must leave the ranch, go out into