The Moths and Other Stories by Helena María Viramontes Read Free Book Online Page B

finish the sentence. Instead she watched Terry’s silent flowing stream of mascara crack the cheeks of her face. She reached down to get Alice’s hand and patted it gently.
    â€œI do know, Alice.”
    (Terry, I hear your voice floating on and on and on. It was my decision that seemed already decided for me. I don’t have togo through it. But here I am now, bringing out the money to pay. Lack of sleep, so early. That’s why I don’t feel good.)
    â€œâ€¦and here is your receipt. Now that we have the business over with, I want you girls to fill out these forms…” I make neat “X’s” in the boxes next to the word “no.” The girl sitting next to me begins to redden and her eyes melt. I don’t know what to do so I smile and she returns it. Kathy enters again with some lemonade and wheat crackers. (Good, all I had this morning was a hershey bar.)
    I sit on the toilet seat with a paper cup under me. Damn cold, and early. At last. (AH! The trickling of today’s morning water.) The warmth of my urine makes my stomach turn. As I walk out with my warm paper cup, I glance at the waiting room. There are many girls now sitting and waiting.
    The lid of the university opens up. Watercolored people slowly emerge, moving endlessly about the thick cemented walls. I want so much to disappear. I sit under the tree with my pile of books and look at the quiet people; they float like balloons. I hope everything will be better when he comes. Arrived as expected. No kiss, a simple smile. Sits next to me. For a moment, I feel resentment towards him. We begin a conversation and I feel myself replying but instantly forgetting what I say or hear. Sometimes I feel myself giggling at his remarks, while other times my head automatically nods in agreement to whatever he says. Then by the expression on his face, by the pounding of his heart that buries all other sounds, by the watercolors fusing into nothing, I realize I’ve told him I am pregnant.
    â€œI don’t know why, that’s all.” And that was all it had come to. “Alice.”
    Alice
    â€œAlice. Alice Johnson.”
    â€œMe.”
    â€œMy, that
is
a pretty dress. The name’s Sharon and I’ll be assisting the doctor in the procedure.” I smile. I follow her into a small doctor’s office. Clean and white with silver objects that reflect my face in distortion. (Oh, God, my God, forgive me for I have sinned.)
    â€œShall I take off my dress?” “No, no need to.” I remove my clean underwear and place my feet on the stirrups with great caution. The thick paper under me crinkles. It is so cold.Kathy enters the room while Sharon prepares the vacuum-like machine.
    â€œWould you like me to stay with you? You
are
the first of the morning, y’know. (I know) I nod. She’s a nice girl. She pulls my dress up a little more and removes my slip. Sharon is moving a utility table near the stirrups as the little elf begins to rub my thighs. The doctor enters the room. Cold. Her hands are very cold. “Relax. Think of something that you love.” Kathy continues rubbing my thighs. “Relax,” Sharon reasures me. “Relax,” the doctor demands.
    â€œTell me, Alice, so what are you taking up in school…
finally bonded drifting afloat i become, and how much i love it. Cold hands. Forgive me, Father, for I have
…Music. How nice! Are you into Classical or…
craft cradles me drifting farther away; and how much i love it
. The operation takes about 5 minutes. Now the doctor will insert…
the waves rock me into an anxious sleepless sleep. And i love. No! I don’t love you, not you, God, knotted ball. I hate you, Alice
. What other instruments do you play?
brimming baptism waters roll. swell. thunder
. Relax, Alice, and try not to move again.
reaching up to the vastness. calm. i relax under the fluids that thicken like jelly
. i am still; my body is transparent