The New Death and others by James Hutchings Read Free Book Online Page A

My veins were as the strings of a puppet. But the
strings are cut. The puppeteer moves her hands in vain. I shall
dance no more." He lay on his side as if to sleep, and was
still.
    The Owls of Yib said nothing. Pitying him,
they did not mention that the temperament imposed on him by the
moon was one of bravery and defiance.
     
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    The Doom That Was Laid Upon
Fame
     
    "O infamous Fame!" thundered the blind
goddess Justice from her throne, "All the gods proclaim that you
are a disgrace to the heavens. You raise up the unworthy, and cause
the virtuous to debase themselves, and even those you take up you
cast aside."
    "Right. What's your point?" replied Fame
"Also, honey, those sunglasses really don't do anything for you."
Justice frowned.
    "Given your obvious lack of repentance, I
pronounce this doom upon you: None may seek you unless they hath
not lowered themselves to please you, and none may seek you unless
they are not corrupted by you. Thus speaks Justice."
    Outside the court of the gods, Fame shared a
cigarette with her friend Death, and bemoaned her lot. The two
goddesses were very close. Those suitors who failed to win Fame
often ended up with Death. Sometimes this made Fame jealous, which
is why many only find Fame after Death.
    "Why hath Destiny scorned me?" Fame
wailed.
    "Because you never invite me to the Oscars,"
said Destiny, who happened to be walking by.
    "Yeah, that'll happen honey," Fame muttered.
"Nothing gets the party started like a woman in a toga telling you
when you're going to get divorced." Death grinned at Fame's joke.
But then Death always grinned. It was strange, Fame thought, that
Death was not more popular. She was so cheerful, and so fond of
children.
    "I know someone who might be able to help,"
said Death.
    "Really? Who?"
    "You know how Pestilence and War and Famine
and I are the Four Riders of the Apocalypse? Well he's the fifth.
His name is Lawyers."
    "I've never heard of him."
    "No, any time anyone mentions him he sues
them for libel. By the way--I'm invited to the Oscars right?"
    "Sweetie, of course you are."
    "Thanks babe." Death made a note on her
diePad. "I think I might have a chance with that Charlie
Sheen."
    "Well Ms Fame," said the oily, snake-like
creature, "I'm afraid Justice is within her rights to place a doom
on you."
    "Can't I just...overcome it with the power of
love or something?"
    "I'm afraid not. Ever since Satan v.
Faust they've been a lot more careful not to leave that kind of
loophole."
    "But there must be something you can do."
    "Well...there is one thing. But..."
    "Please, I'm desperate. The fate of the world
is at stake. A whole generation of actors might end up becoming
social workers or firefighters or something. And if not the actors,
think of all the little people who depend on them--the sycophants,
the gossip-mongers, the people who bribe the gossip-mongers..."
    "OK," the fifth Rider sighed. "It says you
can't have anyone seek you 'unless they hath not lowered themselves
to please you, and are not corrupted by you'. Now, there are some
people who are already as low and corrupt as it's possible for a
human being to be. I think you could argue that, if you made such
people famous, they wouldn't be lowering themselves and you
wouldn't corrupt them. So technically you'd be within the terms of
the doom. But why would you want-"
    "Darling that's brilliant!" cried Fame.
    And that is why we have reality
television.
     
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    Weary Love
     
    Love lost her shit and went to bed
    so Commerce took her calls instead.
     
    "Is that Love?" asked a lonely Ms.
    and Commerce answered "Yes, it is."
    "Unloved, I sink into despair."
    "OK, your basic problem's hair.
    You need to pluck and wax and dye
    and bleach and shave to get a guy
    and once that's done you'll need to be
    booked in to have some surgery
    in case you find your bosoms falling.
    Oh, and Botox. Thanks for calling."
     
    Commerce smirked and rubbed her hands.
    The