The New Woman by Charity Norman Read Free Book Online Page A

I’d slammed the door shut again, and I was running. I was running from death. I staggered up the steps, along Thurso Lane and onto the main road. Here, floodwater rushed along the gutter, bubbling in a murky wave before surging down a drain. I fell face down on the kerb and began to push my keys through the grating of the drain.
    Really? screamed The Thought. You really want to carry on? The suffering’s only just begun, buddy.
    The keys were through. I felt the current snatch at them. I hesitated for one last moment, and then released my grip.
    They were gone. They were gone, and so was my promise of peace. The rain seemed to pause in astonishment, then pelted more violently than ever. I don’t know how long I lay on the wet pavement. I do remember how that gushing stream glowed red, orange and green in the reflection of the traffic lights.
    Much, much later, a night bus disgorged a group of partygoers. I heard them trooping along the footpath. They were singing in raucous alcohol-fuelled voices. When they came close to me, the singing stopped.
    ‘Taking a nap, mate?’ yelled a male voice.
    I didn’t answer.
    ‘Pissed to bits,’ declared another. ‘Go home, Grandad, you could drown down there.’
    I rolled over, and onto my knees. I felt profoundly tired, as though I’d never stand up again. One of them—a girl—tottered closer to me. She wasn’t walking in a very straight line.
    ‘You’re crying.’ Her voice was slurred.
    ‘Just a bit,’ I said.
    ‘Why’re you crying?’
    ‘Because I’m very, very frightened.’
    She leaned down, swaying on her stiletto heels, peering into my face. The others lost interest and began to drift away.
    ‘What’re you so shit-scared of?’ she asked.
    She was about Kate’s age. A kind girl, probably. I didn’t want to spoil her night out. I managed to smile at her.
    ‘I’m shit-scared,’ I said, ‘because I’ve decided to live.’

    The phone had stopped ringing. The kitchen was silent for a moment, and then our answering machine clicked into action.
    ‘Eilish? It’s me.’ I recognised the voice of Stella Marriot, a very old friend of Eilish’s. ‘Um, I’m just off to Cornwall as planned,got to show some interest in this new granddaughter, but look . . . I forgot to ask if you’d feed the bloody cat. Would you, Eilish? The usual routine. Oh blast, the alarm code’s been changed; hang on, let me check, yes . . . it’s one-four-one-four. Got that? Fourteen-fourteen. Thank you, darling. Perhaps you young things could both come over when I get back? Ages since I had more than a fleeting glimpse of Luke. Works too hard. Time he slowed down, he must be important enough by now! Come for supper, I’ll poison you both with my new Thai cookery skills. Okay? Right, better get going, it’s a hellish drive down there . . . bye.’
    No, I thought. I don’t think we could come for supper. I don’t think Eilish and Luke exist as an entity any longer.
    A few minutes later, the phone rang again. This time it was Kate’s voice. Listening to my daughter was far, far worse.
    ‘Anyone there? Mum . . . Mum? Can you pick up the phone, please? Okay, you’re obviously out gallivanting . . . I was wondering if you’d heard from Dad. I thought we could take the same train but he’s switched his phone off or something. I can’t get hold of him.’ A sigh. ‘Okay. Well, can you call me if you get this?’
    I stood up, intending to look for Eilish. We’d taken care of each other through every crisis in our lives. This was another one. I’d reached the stairs when she appeared on the gallery above me. She was wearing a bright, summery dress. I knew it well. In fact—and I’m not proud of this—I’d tried it on several times, but it didn’t do anything for me. It looked much better on her. Not today, though. By contrast with its vivid flowers her face was pallid, the freckles standing out unnaturally. Her mouth seemed weighted down at the corners. Her hair wasn’t