The Queen and I by Sue Townsend Read Free Book Online Page B

fight for breath made him irritable and morose. He feared death and lived each day timidly, as though it was to be his last. He felt that Violet ought to pay him more attention. He thought, she spends more time in other folk’s houses than she does in her own. Hearing Wilf’s ragged breath comforted Diana, for she now knew what the strange noise was that had kept her awake and terrified last night. It was Wilf, breathing next to the party wall.
    Wilf looked at Diana and it was love at first sight. He’d never seen such a beautiful woman up close, in the flesh. He’d seen her photograph in the paper every day, but nothing had prepared him for the fresh face, the soft skin, the shy blue eyes, the warm damp lips. All the women Wilf knew had hard, rough-looking faces, as though life had battered them mercilessly. As Diana took the newspaper from him, he looked at her hands. Pale, long fingers with rosy nails. Wilf longed to hold those fingers. Would they feel as smooth as they looked?
    He scrutinized Violet, his wife of four years. How had he ended up with her ? But he knew how. She had hunted him down. He hadn’t stood a chance.
    “Well, come in or go out, you great big gorm face. You’re letting the cold in.” Listen to how his wife spoke to him. No respect.
    Diana smiled and said, “Please come in.” Normally, nothing would have induced Wilf to leave the doorstep and enter a house full of Hell Close women, but he had to see Diana, listen to her lovely voice. She spoke beautiful, she really did.
    The presence of a man in the house subdued the women. Even Violet modulated her voice as she folded pages of The News of the World and lined cupboards and drawers. Diana saw flashes of headlines.

    POUND “SAVAGED”
The pound was said to be in a critical condition last night after suffering what one financial expert described as “a brutal attack” by foreign currency dealers. “It was a savage beating,” he said.
This followed the “double whammy” of Jack Barker’s landslide victory at the polls on Thursday and the abolition of the monarchy on Friday. The Governor of the Bank of England has appealed for a period of calm.

    Piranhas
A representative of the London office of the Bank of Tokyo said yesterday: “The pound is a goldfish swimming in a tank of piranhas.”

    When she had finished, Violet surveyed her work proudly. “There, now; it’s all nice and clean,” she said. Then, turning to Wilf, she snapped, “I suppose you want your tea?”
    “I’m not ’ungry,” said Wilf. How could he ever eat again? Diana longed for them all to go, but couldn’t think how to make this known to them. Then Shadow woke from his temporary sleeping place on the velvet sofa and his screams drove his mother and the other women from the house.
    “Knock on the wall if you want owt,” ordered Violet.
    “Night or day,” added Wilf.
    “You’ve been terribly kind,” said Diana. “What do I owe you?” She opened her purse and looked inside. When she looked up, she saw from the expression on the women’s faces that she had committed a major faux pas .

    When Charles and Elizabeth arrived back at Number Nine, they found that Tony Threadgold had booted the front door open and was planing down the edge.
    “Damp’s warped it,” he explained. “’S why it wouldn’t open.”
    Prince Philip, William and Harry were sitting on the stairs watching Tony. All three were eating untidy jam sandwiches, prepared by William.
    “How are you, old girl?” said Philip.
    “Frightfully tired.” The Queen pushed her untidy hair back with the bandaged hand.
    “Been a bloody long time,” her husband said.
    “They were awfully busy,” explained Charles. “Mummy’s injury wasn’t life threatening, so we had to wait.”
    “But God damn it, your mother’s the bloody Queen ,” exploded Philip.
    “ Was the bloody Queen, Philip,” said the Queen quietly. “I am now Mrs Windsor.”
    “Mountbatten,” corrected Prince Philip tersely.