The Real Story of Ah-Q by Lu Xun Read Free Book Online Page A

I cannot tell day from night. The Zhaos’ dog has started barking again.
    Fierce as a lion, cowardly as a rabbit, cunning as a fox…

VII
     
    I know their ways. They do not want, or dare, to kill me openly; they fear the vengeance of the ghosts. Instead, they conspire to drive me to suicide. I see through their plans, most of them – I remember their looks on the street from a few days ago, and my brother’s behaviour. Their first, fondest hope is that I should sling my belt over the beam in the ceiling and hang myself; that they will achieve their heart’s desire without staining their hands with my blood – I hear their gasps of jubilant laughter already. Failing that, I could always pine away, of melancholy or nerves. Though my corpse would have less fat on it, it would still be a corpse.
    They can eat only carrion. I remember reading in some book somewhere about a fearfully ugly creature called a hyena, with terrifying eyes and a fondness for dead meat, capable of chewing the most enormous bones down to a pulp. I shiver just to think of it. This hyena is cousin to the wolf, the wolf cousin to the dog. The way the Zhaos’ dog looked at me the day before yesterday, he’s in on it, too; and that old man who couldn’t look me in the eye – but he couldn’t fool me either.
    It’s my brother I feel sorry for. He’s only human: he must feel the dread of it, and yet still he conspires to eat me. Has he become hardened over time – can he no longer see how wrong it is? Or is his conscience in pieces: does he commit his crimes in the full knowledge of their evil?
    A curse on all cannibals – beginning with my brother. And if I am to turn them, I must begin with him, too.

VIII
     
    They should have been able to see it for themselves.
    Suddenly, another visitor. A young man, barely in his twenties, his features a blur – except for his broad grin. He greeted me with a nod; I found no sincerity in his smile. ‘Is it right to eat people?’ I asked him. ‘What are you talking about?’ – his smile did not flicker. ‘No one’s eating anyone; it’s not a famine year.’ I knew then that he, too, was of their number: that he too feasted on human flesh. Screwing my courage, I determined to press him further.
    ‘But is it right?’
    ‘I – I don’t understand the question. What a… sense of humour, you have… Lovely weather we’re having today.’
    The weather is indeed fine, and the moon indeed bright. But I will repeat my question: ‘Is it right?’
    ‘No…’ he mumbled, beginning to sound vexed.
    ‘So it’s wrong? Then why is it going on?’
    ‘It’s not…’
    ‘They’re eating each other here and now – in Wolf Cub Village. Look here: it’s written in all the books, in fresh red ink!’
    His face went a ghastly white. ‘Maybe,’ his eyes bulged, ‘maybe that’s how things have always been…’
    ‘But does that make it right?’
    ‘I’ve had enough of this. You shouldn’t be talking about it.’
    I sprang to my feet, my eyes flying open. He had disappeared. I was covered in sweat. He was much younger than my brother, and yet already he was in on it with the rest of them; his parents must have taught him. And he will have taught his son; even the children stare at me like wild beasts.

IX
     
    Craving flesh, dreading the teeth of others, eyeing each other with fear…
    If only they could leave it all behind them, how easy, how comfortable their lives would become. Such a tiny thing. But they are all part of it – fathers, sons, brothers, husbands, wives, friends, teachers, pupils, enemies, perfect strangers, pulling each other back.

X
     
    Early this morning I went looking for my brother. I found him standing by the door to the hall, staring up at the sky. Approaching from behind, I placed myself between him and the doorway.
    ‘I have something to tell you,’ I said, taking care to keep my voice soft, meek.
    ‘Go on.’ He spun round to face me, nodding.
    ‘A few, difficult words.