afternoon rain. He pushes himself along the jogging path.
Another phase, he thinks. Nevens gone. A fresh start. And now, more physical training for his next shot at the BUD/S course.
He runs approximately seven miles, then finishes his work out with pull-ups, push-ups, and sit-ups.
When he’s done, his body is flooded with adrenaline, his mind drenched with endorphins. He feels powerful. Ready for battle.
Nothing will stop him.
Nothing.
And no one.
Nineteen
“If you ain’t ordnance, you ain’t shit.”
Samuel wants to laugh at the short, squat lieutenant. Murphy. Lieutenant Murphy. Crew cut. Pale face. A zit or two.
“That’s our motto around here,” he says. “You like it?”
“Yes sir,” Samuel says. He thinks Lieutenant Murphy is shit, and that the pathetic pride he takes in being in charge of ordnance is shit too. But he keeps it to himself and tries to ignore the faint pounding in his head.
Murphy walks ahead of him, along a row of missiles and bombs. Samuel sees more pimples at the base of Murphy’s head. “These are drones we use for training,” Murphy says. “You’ll work with these for approximately three months before we assign you to a ship where you’ll use the real deal. Maybe you’ll get a chance to give some sand monkey a wakeup call; know what I’m saying, Samuel?”
“Yes sir.”
Murphy walks Samuel around a corner where an ordnance team is working on loading a bomb rack. They move fast, hoisting together at the count of three, sliding bombs into racks, clamping them down, moving missiles suspended by thick chains along a pulley system.
“One team I trained,” Murphy says, “finished here and two days later I saw them on CNN, on a carrier, loading the real thing to drop over there. One of them wrote, ‘This Bomb’s For You’ on the missile. That’s the kind of group we are, Samuel. We don’t take shit from anybody.”
Samuel doesn’t say anything, watches the sailors working on loading the bombs. A senior ordnance officer watches, pushes them. Barks orders.
Christ, he thinks. Why did he ever put down an interest in weapons when he first joined up? Samuel thinks about it. His memories of his mother dying when he was in high school. The foster home he went to where they openly despised him but loved the paycheck that social services sent them for his expenses.
“…points…”
“Sorry, sir?” Samuel sees Murphy watching him.
“Nip points,” he says, pointing at the pulley system surrounded by an ordnance team of three. “I was telling you that one of the biggest dangers of working in ordnance is nip points. Places where two moving parts come together. They can pinch off fingers, hands, even limbs. Nip points. You’ve got to be careful.”
Careful, Samuel thinks.
I can be careful.
Twenty
The dream is in sepia tones: warm browns, burnished golds, rich shadows. It’s late autumn, late in the day, and Beth is a young girl. She’s sitting on her father’s shoulders. A basketball is in her hands. Beth is just strong enough to lift the ball. Beneath her, her father maneuvers the two of them closer to the basket. When they’re right under it, he reaches up and lifts her as high as he can. The rim is just a foot away. Beth tries to push the ball up, but she loses control, and the ball falls from her hands. Her father laughs and sets her down. He chases after the ball and brings it back. He’s about to scoop her up into his arms, but he steps back, his face full of mute horror.
“What’s wrong?” Beth says.
She looks down at her left leg, and it’s bent backwards, all twisted and mangled. She’s wearing Barbie tennis shoes, and her left one is pointed backward. Blood is on it. Her father starts screaming, and she turns to him, to tell him to stop screaming, that he’s scaring her. But her father is dead. The blotchy skin on his face hugs his bones. Now Beth starts screaming, and he smiles at her, a gruesome baring of his teeth.
Beth is still