The Reunion by Amy Silver Read Free Book Online Page A

twelve.’
    ‘No. Really?’
    ‘Yes, Dan, really.’
    ‘Amazing.’ A pause. ‘So, you look well. Everything all right?’ It was painful. He started to babble on, apologising to her for not getting in touch for such a long time, for not coming to see them. He’d been very busy, working, travelling. Nat was only half listening. All she could think was, what was she doing there?
    ‘How many years has it been?’ Dan’s question caught her attention.
    ‘Seven.’
    ‘No. Really? Seven years? Amazing.’
    ‘We had dinner, remember? You took us to Nobu. You were with that actress, the Spanish one. Emaciated, coked-up. Can’t remember her name.’
    ‘Elena.’
    ‘That’s it.’
    ‘It was a good night, wasn’t it?’
    ‘No, Dan, it wasn’t. Your actress obviously thought Andrew and I were insufferably boring, talking about banalities like our kids and our jobs, you spent the night looking around the room to see if you could spot any of your famous friends, and Andrew ended up with food poisoning.’
    ‘Oh. I’m sorry.’ He looked hurt. ‘I remember us having a good time.’
    ‘You always were rather good at rewriting history.’
    ‘Ah, Nat.’
    She knew what he was thinking, so she cut him off. ‘I’m not talking about the film. Forget the bloody film, I have. I’m talking about this—’ She gestured around her. ‘All this. What are we even doing here? I don’t understand why we’re trying to turn the clock back, this whole nostalgia trip. It’s about pretending we’re all still friends, isn’t it?’
    ‘We are still friends.’
    ‘No, we’re not. You can’t even remember the ages of my children. We’re not friends. And you know what, I’m not even sure we ever were. I was best friends with Lilah, who was going out with Andrew, who was Conor’s best friend, and Conor was going out with Jen. I’m not really sure how you came into it.’
    As the words came out of her mouth she regretted them, even before she saw Dan wince.
    ‘That isn’t fair. You were very important to me, all of you. You were my family.’
    Like a killer feeling the knife slide in, past the point of no return, she blundered on. ‘OK, at college, there was a kind of closeness, I admit that. You used to try to sleep with me, in between girlfriends, just because I wasn’t sleeping with anyone else. I think you might have pitied me.’
    Dan shook his head. ‘That isn’t true,’ he said, ‘that is not true.’
    ‘But now? What are we now? Any of us? What’s left to hold us together? I’m no longer friends with Lilah, who’s no longer going out with Andrew, who has no best friend because Conor’s dead. So what’s left?’

 
     
    Friday 19 July 1996
    Dearest Jen,
    I’m sending this to you care of your parents. I don’t know where you are. I don’t know whether they will pass this on to you.
    I am so sorry.
    The words seem as meaningless written down as they sound when I saw them. But you know, only you know, how sorry I am. He’s gone, three weeks and six days. It seems impossible.
    My mother lost her father when she was just a teenager. She came to see me yesterday and told me that the hardest thing was this: once the funeral was over, and an ‘appropriate’ length of time had passed, people expect you to get on. Get up, get dressed, brush your teeth, go to work. It seems impossible.
    My parents have been kind. I know they are disappointed, they are heartbroken, I know they are ashamed, desperately ashamed. They hide it well. I am going to go and stay with them, as soon as I get Lilah settled with her mother. I can’t leave her alone.
    Ronan came to see me last weekend. He was very kind, too. He brought me some things – photographs, Conor’s collection of electro on vinyl, things he thought Conor might want me to have. It was unbearable. I wished, I longed for him to hit me, to ball his fists, to hit me and keep on hitting me, until there was nothing left.
    We went for a pint at the Greyhound. When he