The River Leith by Leta Blake Read Free Book Online Page A

he wanted to breathe Zach in, and touch his skin, and feel —
    Leith’s pulse raced, and his mouth went dry.
    Zach glanced up from where he sorted through the photos. His brow creased. “Are you feeling okay? Maybe you should lie down.” He reached for Leith’s knee.
    “No,” Leith croaked. He grabbed a glass of water from the table beside him and gulped. He managed a smile even though it felt as if Zach’s palm was burning him through the flannel of his pajama pants. “I’m fine.”
    He wondered if Zach knew that Leith had been in love with him.

 
    LATER THAT NIGHT
    VLOG ENTRY #3
     
     
    INT. LEITH AND ZACH’S BEDROOM – NIGHT
     
    Zach sits at a desk chair. There’s a bed with crumpled sheets behind him. His eyes are puffy, and his hair is tousled.
     
    ZACH
     
It’s four in the morning. I can’t sleep and I thought of you my loves, and all your concerned comments and emails. I’m sorry I haven’t replied. I’ve barely been able to talk to anyone. My sister Maddie’s worried about me. She calls every day. I know I should talk to her, but it’s too much. As you might imagine, I’m not doing too well right now.
     
    His eyes focus somewhere beyond the camera, and he shakes his head slowly.
     
I saw him. Leith. He…he’s…fuck, he truly and completely doesn’t remember me.
     
    His voice cracks.
     
I don’t know what to say about that. I keep thinking that any day now, any second, I’ll wake up and this will be a terrible nightmare. And when I’ve seen him, I feel like I’m going to die if he doesn’t look at me and know who I am. I feel so…
     
    He shakes his head blankly.
     
Lost, and scared. And it’s ridiculous, but I’m so angry because I…I’d know him anywhere. He looks at me like I’m a stranger.
     
I first went two days ago. Afterward I crawled into bed, and I couldn’t get out until today. Because he asked to see me again, and how can I say no?
     
    He sniffs loudly and shakes his head again.
     
He texted me, and I thought maybe, just maybe, something had come back to him. He wanted me to bring pictures of people he knows, and I did. Of course he wanted to know about his old girlfriend Naomi. It was torture. It was so hard to answer his questions, and he got mad at me. And I don’t blame him for that. But I really wanted to yell back. I wanted to scream.
     
    His voice trembles and breaks.
     
I feel betrayed. Can you believe that? He’s injured — he could have died — and he lost his memory, and I feel betrayed? But that’s how I feel. Like if he loved me enough there would have been nothing — nothing in the whole damn world that could erase me from his mind.
     
But seeing him…the look in his eyes? I’m gone. We’re gone. We’re nothing. Everything we had is dead. I love him so much, and it’s all gone.
     
    Zach’s lips curl into a snarl before he bursts into tears.
     
I know it isn’t his fault, but I’m still angry. I feel so…broken. Like, fuck him. He forgot me? Fuck him .
     
    He throws up his hands and closes his eyes.
     
I just wanted to forget. I wanted to forget and feel whole again. So I did what I used to do when I was a stupid kid. I wanted to lose myself, and I thought everything could be made easier with a stupid, meaningless fuck.
     
    Zach indicates the bed over his shoulder as tears fall.
     
It worked. I forgot — for about ten minutes. And then it all came crashing down on me, and I feel like I can’t breathe. It was pointless, beyond meaningless, and now…
     
    His voice breaking, he whispers.
     
Now the sheets smell like another man, and I…I don’t want to go on without him. Without Leith. He’s everything to me. Everything . And he doesn’t even know who I am! Would it hurt more if he was dead? Could it? I don’t know. I don’t know anymore.
     
    Zach bows his head and his shoulders shake. There’s a knock at the door, and Zach wipes at his face.
     
    MARIAN ( off screen )
     
Zach? Zach, can I come