sorry, I should have let you eat. Would you like something else? Some pie?”
“No, thank you,” she said. “Shall I continue?”
“Please,” I said.
She looked down, collecting her thoughts. Her forehead furrowed. “Before I had McKale I was working as an office manager at a plumbing supply store. I had quit when McKale was born, but we struggled on just Sam’s income, so when she started school, I went back to work.
“One day this really handsome man came in. Jeremy. He was a plumber but he could have been a model. I was having one of those really hard days when it was all I could do not to burst into tears. He asked if I was all right, and I started to cry. He was really sweet. He asked if I needed to talk to someone and offered to meet me after work for a coffee. I told him thank you, but I was married and he backed off.
“But it wasn’t the last I saw of him. He became a regular customer and would come in several times a week. He would bring me a little box of chocolate cordials every time he came to sweeten my day. I began looking forward to his visits.
“One day Jeremy came in about lunchtime. As he waited for his order to be filled, we started in on our usual chat when he asked if I wanted to get something to eat. It was the right time, or wrong time, for him to ask. Sam and I had just had another big blowup that morning.” Pamela paused and her voice softened. “I said yes.
“We ended up at his condo. It was only the beginning. We started meeting every week. Jeremy was single andhad a great business, so he had a lot of money and was always buying me jewelry and clothes. I couldn’t bring them home, not that Sam would have noticed. Sam was busy trying to get his insurance business off the ground so he worked late almost every night. He rarely called me during the day.
“After a year of our affair, Jeremy asked me to leave Sam and marry him. Sam and I had only grown more distant, so, honestly, Jeremy’s proposal sounded great. Except there was one hitch. He said that he didn’t want to be tied down to a kid. I understood that. I mean, I felt the same way. I had gotten married and pregnant so young that I’d never had the chance to see the world.
“I know it sounds awful.” She looked into my eyes. “It is awful. I considered it. But I couldn’t do it. McKale was only seven. I couldn’t just leave her.
“Jeremy said he understood. He said that that was what he really loved about me, that I had a good heart—but he loved me so intensely, that if our relationship wasn’t going anywhere, it would be best if we stopped seeing each other.
“He stopped calling me. He still came in to the store, but he wouldn’t speak to me. It was agonizing. I was so in love with him. I wanted to be with him more than anything.
“At home, things with Sam just got worse. He never outright called me an awful mother, at least not then, but I knew he was thinking it. Maybe it was because I was thinking it.
“Then, one day, I went to pick McKale up from her babysitter and McKale said, ‘I don’t want to go home with you.’ The babysitter was really embarrassed. She said, ‘You don’t mean that.’ McKale said, ‘Yes I do. I don’t like her.’”
Pamela’s eyes welled up again. “I know kids say dumb things, but it broke me. Sam hated me. Now McKale didn’t want me. I cried all night. The next day I called Jeremy from work and begged him to take me back. I said I’d do whatever he wanted if he’d just take me back.
“He came and got me. I didn’t go home after work. I just went straight to his place. I didn’t even pick up McKale.
“Of course the babysitter was frantic. She called Sam to see if I’d been in an accident or something.” Pamela wiped her eyes. “Or something … I got home that night after ten. McKale was in bed. Sam was waiting for me. He screamed at me for more than an hour. He said he had to cancel an important business meeting with a new client to pick up McKale. He