The Scattering by Jaki McCarrick Read Free Book Online Page B

They never found a body. Case. Not. Closed.’
    â€˜Tina’s case was closed the night she went out and…’
    â€˜Shut the fuck up!’ screamed Jessica. ‘She liked the nights on the beach. Just like we all did. You, me, her, your father – we often took you both out in the moonlight, you motherfucker. You know that. Now you just like the nights out drinking.’
    â€˜Come on, Mama,’ Jules pleaded.
    â€˜She left the radio on in the car! Suicides don’t leave the radio on in the car!’
    â€˜Yes they do!’
    â€˜She met someone and took off. She was like that. Flighty. She would just take off.’
    â€˜She’s dead, Mama. I know she is.’ Jules moved slowly towards his mother.
    â€˜Why d’you rush in here if you’re so sure about it, huh? You said you thought you heard her.’
    â€˜I just wanted it to be true.’
    â€˜You still came. You’re as unsure as I am, why don’t you just admit it?’ Jules left the room with his head bowed. Jessica curled up around Ashleigh on the bed and held tightly to the menstruating child. After a while, Ashleigh turned to Jessica and said: ‘It seems to me you had two children and you never noticed but one. And not the one that stuck around neither. Jesus says to love all the children.’
    â€˜I know,’ Jessica replied.
    â€˜Tina ain’t coming back, Jessica May. Not ever. You jus’ been clingin’ to that radio.’
    â€˜I know,’ Jessica replied.
    *
    When Bobby Jean came to pick up the girls, Jules was out in the yard taking the lights off the Christmas tree. He hadn’t had a drink in over a month and Jessica was glad to see him busy. A couple of girls from Bay City High had come to say goodbye to Olivia and Ashleigh, and Jessica was leaving them to it. Then, as Jessica tended to the last of her hellebores, their five-petal heads all drooping to one side, Ashleigh came up quietly behind her. Since the night in Tina’s room Ashleigh had not spoken again in assembly and had gotten quiet all round. Cole Spencer had even called to ask what had happened to the dazzling student. Jessica was just glad that the circus that had built up around the child had packed up and left. And now that the Atlanta authorities had tracked down a relative, an aunt, Jessica had no more cause (officially, at least) to worry about Ashleigh. The girl’s counselling was to continue in Atlanta, the details of which would now pass exclusively to her aunt.
    â€˜Why do they droop their heads like that?’ asked Ashleigh.
    â€˜I guess they’re just protecting themselves.’
    â€˜From what?’
    â€˜From things that might otherwise destroy them. The wind and cold and such like,’ Jessica replied, and looked up, puddle-eyed, at Ashleigh.
    â€˜I’m going to miss you, Jessica May.’
    Jessica held her close. The scent of camomile from Ashleigh’s hair hung in the air as she moved off. Jessica watched her stop by the Christmas tree and speak to Jules. Something electric passed between them, and she saw her son suddenly become younger-looking and less bound up with his own inarticulate feelings and thoughts.
    As Bobby Jean’s car drove off with Olivia and Ashleigh in the back, Jessica thought her heart would break. She cleared up the plates of half-eaten lemon cake and tidied up inside. When she went out into the yard to turn on the evening lights, Jules was there. He had a towel rolled up under his arm.
    â€˜Where are you going?’ Jessica asked her son.
    â€˜I thought I’d go for a walk on the beach. Maybe take a swim.’
    â€˜You be careful. Don’t go far out. Just as far as the rock.’
    â€˜I will, Mama,’ he replied, and walked off along the side of the store in the direction of the beach.
    After her evening tour of the nursery, Jessica sat on her chair on the porch and listened to the sea. In the lull between the waves