The Smartest Woman I Know by Ilene Beckerman Read Free Book Online Page B

recognize who you are and I must tell you I have seen every one of your movies and enjoyed every one. You have brought great pleasure into my life. Now, how may I be of service to you?”
    Dietrich smiled and asked for a pack of du Maurier cigarettes.
    “Madam, is there anything else I may do for you?” Mr. Goldberg said.
    “No, thank you very much,” Dietrich answered, “you are so kind.” She paid for the cigarettes and left the store.
    Mr. Goldberg turned to Ettie and said, “You know who that was?”
    “Of course,” Ettie answered.
    “What a thrill,” Mr. Goldberg said. “To think that I just waited on Katharine Hepburn.”
    God, should I tell him?
    Ettie knew about movie stars even though she rarely went to the movies. “Who needs the movies,” she’d say. I should pay money to go to the movie to see craziness? I can just stay home and see craziness. A movie about what’s happening downstairs and upstairs and out my window, no one would believe. Nobody could make a movie so good as what I see with my own eyes. I have enough worries without going to the movies. If I want a headache, God, I can just stay home.”

NOT ONLY WASN’T ETTIE a movie fan, she also wasn’t a sports fan. Every afternoon, the same men would come into the store, buy the evening newspaper, and the first thing they’d do is turn to the sports page.
    “Sports?” she’d say. “Another waste of time!
    “North Korea is making war on South Korea and all these dummkopfs want to know is who won a ball game? A man jumps up and tries to get the ball in a basket. He takes a stick and hits the ball so it should go in a hole in the ground. He takes a fatter stick and tries to hit the ball far away. He grabs a ball and runs with it and other men try to push him down.

    On Delancey Street
    “A woman would never be so meshugge. She sees a basket, she fills it with fruit. She sees a hole she fills it up. She sees a stick, she puts it someplace out of the way so nobody should trip or get poked in the eye. Somebody tries to push her down, she calls a policeman.”
    If Ettie had no one to talk to, she muttered to herself. “So much money for a man with a ball? Nobody even knows the value of money anymore,” she’d mutter. “Nobody picks up a penny on the street. If Mr. Goldberg and me hadn’t saved every penny, we’d still be living on Delancey Street. A penny earned is a penny you should save. A dollar is even better.”

U PSTAIRS
    W HEN THEY WEREN’T IN the store, Ettie and Mr. Goldberg went to their apartment above the store, where they ate, spoke Yiddish to each other (when they spoke to each other), and slept until the next day’s work.
    Upstairs, Ettie had her radio.
    “Thanks, God, for the radio,” she would say. “I listen every day. I don’t have to buy a ticket. I don’t have to go someplace else. I don’t have to stop what I’m doing to look. I don’t even have to sit down. I can be standing by the stove, wearing my housedress, taking the fat off the chicken soup, and the President of the United States can be talking to me.” Unlike other grandmothers in those days, Ettie actually spent as little time in the kitchen as possible. The store was what nurtured her.

    When Ettie and Mr. Goldberg came from Europe, many Jews went to bed hungry. So for Ettie, the purpose of cooking was to keep the stomach filled. Quantity was more important than quality.
    One day a customer asked Ettie what she was making for dinner. “Food,” she answered without hesitation.
    “Eat,” she would say to me. “You shouldn’t go hungry. Nobody should go hungry.”

ETTIE COOKED BECAUSE she didn’t believe in eating out. “A restaurant?” she’d say. “Why eat out when you have a kitchen?”
    One day a customer told Ettie about a new restaurant that opened in the neighborhood. “That’s wonderful,” Ettie said. “I have to try it.” After the customer left, I heard her muttering.
    “I need to go to a fancy-schmancy place, God?