The Soldier's Baby Bargain by Beth Kery Read Free Book Online Page B

I didn’t allow myself to think about it very much. You were another man’s wife. Off-limits. I wouldn’t even call my feelings toward you attraction. They were respect. Admiration. I liked you a lot.”
    She stared at him, her throat and chest feeling full—achy. She couldn’t look away from his stark, handsome face.
    “My feelings for you would have stayed in that holding pattern if circumstances hadn’t changed. But they did change. You discovered Jesse wasn’t faithful to you.”
    “I was filing for a divorce at the time he was killed,” she said, shocking herself.
    Ryan’s expression tensed. His caressing fingers paused. “You were?”
    She nodded. A tear spilled down her cheek. She was angry at Jesse for his infidelity. Furious. So why did guilt still rear its ugly head inside her when she thought of the fact that she’d been planning on leaving him when his life was cut unexpectedly short?
    “I told him that I planned to divorce him when he admitted to his affairs with both Melanie and that other officer that worked at the airport. He was so upset about the divorce. He never told you?” she asked shakily, searching his face.
    “He never said a word about you two breaking up,” Ryan said. His flat expression told the absolute truth. Jesse had kept the impending end of their marriage to himself. Maybe he’d hoped she’d change her mind. He might have died with that secret. The realization caused a pain of regret to go through her. She shuddered. Damn these hormones. Since her pregnancy, she cried at the drop of a dime. Suddenly Ryan’s arms were around her. She clutched on to his shoulders and wept.
    “It’s just...you knew Jesse. He was like a kid at times. I know he wasn’t capable of being faithful. I know I wasn’t meant to be his wife. But I cared about him.”
    “I understand,” Ryan soothed, stroking her back. “Maybe he wasn’t capable of being faithful to you, but I do know that Jesse cared about you, too.”
    “I hate to think of him dying, knowing that I was leaving him,” Faith managed between bitter tears.
    “I’m sure he was feeling regretful about having hurt you.”
    That made her sob harder.
    “I’m sorry,” he said, stroking her arms and back. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
    “No. No, it’s true. I suppose some people would feel vindicated that he felt guilty on the day he died, but I think it’s just...”
    “Terrible,” Ryan finished for her. “I understand.”
    “Do you?” she asked wetly, leaning back slightly in order to see his face. His features looked like they’d been carved from rock in the dim lights emanating from the dashboard.
    “Yeah. I think we both know that while Jesse might not have been ideal husband material, he was a good guy in a lot of other areas of life. It’s got to be hard for you, thinking of him dying knowing that he’d done you wrong.”
    “Exactly,” she whispered shakily.
    “It’s still not your fault, Faith. You didn’t do anything wrong. You had every right to file for divorce once you learned he’d cheated on you, not once, but several times. It’s just that life took a rotten turn in the interim, and Jesse was killed. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about.”
    “I know,” she said weakly. She touched the side of his neck along his hairline. His hair was a pleasure to her fingertips—crisp and soft at once. “I’m always telling myself I didn’t do anything wrong. I just wish I hadn’t told him about the divorce when he was about to...”
    Ryan shook his head, his face now rigid with compassion. “You’re not all-seeing.” He cradled her jaw gently. She went still, utterly aware of the intimate contact. “Death is the same way. You can’t beat yourself up for things you don’t have any control over. All we can do is take what we’ve been given and make the best of it.”
    His breath was warm and fragrant against her upturned lips and nose.
    “I want to make the best of this,