The Stone Woman by Tariq Ali Read Free Book Online Page A

his European wife, who had lost the power of speech after the tragic death of her father. He moved me to a special room in the house and I was given my own maid. One day he was entertaining some guests in his own rooms. I was seated next to him, watching the men getting more and more drunk. A few of them looked at me with desire in their eyes. Suddenly his wife, the princess Sabiha, walked into the room. She was intoxicated with anger. She stood there for a moment, ignoring his frown. She screamed abuse at him, informing his friends that he was worse than a eunuch. As he stood to escort her out of the room, she undid her trousers and lifted her tunic to reveal her most private parts. As the men averted their eyes, she shouted at her husband: “Wasn’t this good enough for you? Answer me, you sweeper of horse-shit!” The Pasha’s face had frozen in horror. Her performance had a magical effect. I have never seen men in their cups sober themselves so quickly. Then, satisfied with what she had done, Sabiha swept out of the room. Previously I had never liked her and this was long before I was chosen by the Pasha. She was rude to us and her chambermaids loathed her. After this display I began to admire her. I wanted to speak with her and explain my own despair, but I never found the courage to face her anger. I pray that Allah will forgive my cowardice.
    But I could not stop thinking of Hikmet. The only time I forced Hikmet out of my head was when the master was taking his pleasure of me. I never enjoyed those moments. They told me that the mistress had sent a message to Hikmet and told him what had happened. He was never seen again. I wanted him to come to me, Stone Woman. I would have cleaned his feet with my tears, begged him to forgive me and take me with him, far away from here, but he never returned to the house. Perhaps he did not love me enough. Perhaps he was scared off by the Pasha or perhaps a pregnant purse, heavy with coins, bought his disappearance.
    And now I carry the child of a man I despise. I’m sure it’s a boy and that makes me even more angry. I will not have his child. I will not bring this poor creature into the world. I will jump into the sky and I will fly away, Stone Woman. When I get tired of flying I will fall into the sea and when they find me, I will be floating on the water, like a bloated, dead fish, but with my eyes shut. I will be in a sleep as deep as the sea. Do you understand why I’m doing this, Stone Woman? To punish him. These cursed Beys and Pashas think they are gods. They believe all they have to say to a poor girl is, “I love you, have my child”, and she will be so grateful for their affection, their food, their clothes, their money that she will ask for nothing more from this world. I dreaded his touch. My worst fear was that one day the Pasha would put his poisonous seed in me and it would sprout. And yet when it happened I was no longer frightened. I became very calm. I knew what had to be done. There was no more anguish in my life.
    The day I lost my Hikmet, with his soft skin and smiling eyes, the sun stopped shining for me. In Istanbul, the Pasha tried to avoid leaving me on my own. He thought his company kept me cheerful. I felt more alone when he was with me than at any other time and especially when he was filled with lust and groaned like a donkey on heat. Not a day passed when I didn’t ask myself what I should do with my life.
    What shall I do, Stone Woman? You listen, but you never reply. If only you could speak. Just once. Can you see the sky tonight? There is a crescent moon, which always travels fast as if in search of a lover, but it will soon become full-blown, like my belly, and when it does I know what I will do. I will go to the cliffs and fly to join the moon. I will laugh as I leap. The distance will disappear and on that day I will know that no other man will ever enter my life again. I will laugh at the thought of the Pasha’s fat face, white with