The Things We Never Said

The Things We Never Said by Susan Elliot Wright Read Free Book Online

Book: The Things We Never Said by Susan Elliot Wright Read Free Book Online
Authors: Susan Elliot Wright
Gently, he touches her shoulder, but she shrugs him off and whirls round to face him. ‘What then?’ Her eyes flash. ‘I can’t start telling people until both sets of parents know. Why are you finding it so difficult?’ Before he can reply, she stalks out of the kitchen, slamming the door behind her. He’s about to follow her, then thinks better of it. He mops up the wine that spilt when she knocked into the table and then slumps onto a chair, drains his own glass, refills it, and takes another gulp. He’s always wanted kids with Fiona; he knew almost from the moment he first saw her. It was at a party at the then newly-wed Malcolm and Cassie’s on a warm, sunny evening in late summer, and when Jonathan arrived, everyone was in the garden, drinking chilled white wine. A slight breeze murmured through the grass, and there she was, standing in front of a bush that was heavy with full-blown roses, head thrown back and laughing at something Cass was saying. Her skin, tanned from a recent holiday, was the shade of toasted almonds and the sun had bleached her hair to pale amber. Her dress, which fluttered slightly in the breeze, was virtually the same shade as her hair and skin, so the whole effect was of a golden glow, illuminated by the sun. He can’t remember what he’d said when Malcolm introduced them, but he’d had to stop himself from gibbering like an idiot as he shook her hand, because he knew right then, even though it was crazy: here was his soulmate; here was the mother of his children. It was so different to how he’d felt with Sian. He and Sian were together for five years, but it became a habit, easy and comfortable for both of them. Sian’s body clock had begun ticking and they started to think about babies. That was when he realised. It wasn’t babies per se, just the certain knowledge that he and Sian weren’t right together, that any baby they made would be half of him and half of her, but never quite whole.
    He tears off a piece of naan and dunks it in the balti sauce, but he barely notices the taste as he chews. He picks a bit more at the cooling food, finishes his wine and immediately pours himself a refill. The wine is soothing and he drinks it quickly, then empties the last of the bottle into his glass, surprised that he’s finished it already. He drains it in one, enjoying the slight recklessness of it and wishing he still smoked. He looks at the remains of the takeaway and decides to leave clearing it up until the morning. Right now, he has to talk to Fiona. He has to connect with her again, and then everything else will come right. He wobbles slightly as he stands up – that wine was quite strong – and makes his way upstairs carefully; he doesn’t want to stumble or bump into anything in case she thinks he’s drunk, and he needs to tell her how much he loves her, how much he wants this baby. Better still, actions speak louder than words. Yes, that’s what he’ll do; he’ll show her and tell her at the same time. Best idea he’s had all day. He’ll whisper to her, tell her over and over again while making love to her as tenderly as possible. She’ll pretend to be asleep but she’ll press herself back against him, gently encouraging him without turning round. It’s a game they used to play: one feigns sleep while the other kisses and touches and strokes. The idea is to see how long you can go without responding. She likes him to lie spoon-like behind her, kissing her neck, cupping her breasts, running his hands over her thighs and belly; sometimes he can even enter her, thrusting gently once or twice before she’ll turn over, grinning, pulling him on top of her and clamping her legs around him to draw him in deeper. When it’s his turn he’ll try not to move as she wriggles down the bed, but he knows that the moment he feels her warm breath on his belly or a strand of her hair trail across his thigh, he’ll be lost.
    When he opens the bedroom door, it takes a moment for his

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