The Universe Twister by Keith Laumer, edited by Eric Flint Read Free Book Online Page B

usual retinue of hangers-on. Everyone bowed low, the women curtsying. Lafayette felt a smart kick in the shin.
    "Bow, bumpkin!" hissed a bearded stranger in pea-green knickers. Lafayette bent over, rubbed the spot where the other's boot had bruised him. "How would you like a punch in the jaw?"
    "Silence! Wouldst have me rub your nose on the floor, wittol!"
    "You and what other six guys?" O'Leary came back. "Ever had a broken leg before?"
    "Before what?"
    "Before you had a broken arm. I may just cross your eyes, too, while I'm at it."
    "Art daft, varlet?"
    "Maybe you haven't heard. I'm here on a witchcraft rap."
    "Ulp?" The man moved away hastily. The king was seated on his throne now, amid much bustling of courtiers stationing themselves in position according to an elaborate scheme of precedence, each elbowing for a spot a foot or two closer to the throne. There were more trumpetings; then an old dodderer in a long black robe stepped forward and pounded a heavy rod on the floor.
    "The Court of Justice of His Majesty King Goruble is now in session," he quavered. "All those who crave boons, draw nigh." Then, without pausing: "Let those who have offended against the just laws of the realm be brought forward."
    "That's you, bud," a black-haired guard muttered. "Let's go." O'Leary followed as the man pushed through the throng to a spot ten feet from the throne where King Goruble sat, nibbling a slice of orange.
    "Well, how plead you, my man?"
    "I don't know," O'Leary said. "What's the charge?"
    "Sorcery! Guilty or not guilty?"
    "Oh, that again. I was hoping you'd thought up something more original, like loitering at the post office."
    An effeminate-looking fellow in parakeet green stepped from the ranks of the retainers grouped around the throne, made an elaborate leg and waved a bit of lace from which an odor of dime store perfume wafted.
    "An't please your Majesty," he said, "the fellow's insolence gives him away. 'Tis plain to see, he has a powerful protector. The villain is, I doubt not, a paid spy in the hire of the rebel Lod!"
    "Lod?" Lafayette raised his eyebrows. "Who's he?"
    "As is doubtless well known to you, this creature, thus y-clept is the fearsome giant, the bandit who impertinently presses a suit for the hand of her highness, the Princess Adoranne."
    "And dreams of the day he will usurp our throne," Goruble added. He slapped the carved arm of the throne, looking angry.
    "Well, fellow, do you deny it?" the green-clad exquisite persisted.
    "I never heard of this Lod," Lafayette said impatiently. "And I've already told you the sorcery business was silly. There isn't any such thing!"
    Goruble narrowed his eyes at O'Leary, pinched his chin between jeweled fingers.
    "No such thing, eh?" He gestured. "Let Nicodaeus come forward."
    A tall, well muscled but slightly paunchy gray-haired man in yellow tights and a short cloak ornately appliquéd with stars and crescent moons stepped from the ranks, bowed medium low before the throne, took a pair of rimless glasses from a breast pocket, put them on, turned and studied Lafayette.
    "You deny the existence of magic, eh?" he asked in a mellow baritone. "A skeptic." He wagged his head, smiling ruefully, reached up and took an egg from his mouth. A little murmur of wonder went through the crowd. The gray-haired man sauntered a few feet, paused before a plump lady-in-waiting, plucked a gaily-colored scarf from her well filled bodice, tossed it aside, drew out another, and another. The fat woman retreated, squealing and giggling as the onlookers tittered.
    "Well done, Nicodaeus!" a fat man in pale purple puffed. "Oh, jolly well done!"
    Nicodaeus strolled to the dais, and with a murmured apology took a mouse from the king's pocket. He dropped the tiny animal on the floor and it scurried away, amid dutiful squealing from the ladies. He plucked another from the king's shoe, a third from the royal ear. The monarch twitched, shot a sharp glance at O'Leary, waved the magician aside.
    "Well,