The Unkindest Cut by Gerald Hammond Read Free Book Online Page A

married, which was the whole point of why they were all there today, wasn’t it?
    â€˜You weren’t listening to what he said.’
    â€˜Yes I was, some of it. And I’m getting married right now. After that I may have time for you. It can’t be so very urgent because of the microchip.’
    â€˜The what?’
    â€˜Didn’t Manfred mention it? I stuck the robber with the wrong syringe and put a microchip into him, so you’ll have him bang to rights, if that’s the proper expression. Until I’m available, go and enjoy yourself. The drinks are on me.’
    â€˜And that’s you told,’ Deborah said to her husband and ushered him away from Jane into the throng of guests, and towards the bar at the other end of the room.
    A small stage had been set up at one end of the workshop with a table for the registrar. That lady had put down her glass of champagne and walked to meet Jane and Roland, ready to pounce. ‘You’re lucky nobody else wants to be born, married or buried this afternoon,’ she said. ‘So I was able to wait for you.’
    â€˜Bless you for that,’ Jane said. ‘We’re just coming.’ She realized that she had eaten nothing since breakfast and the big room seemed filled with the smell of a delicious soup that furnished almost the only hot item of food. She did a quick scan of what remained on the buffet. ‘God, I’m hungry!’ Jane wandered towards the selections on offer, the palm of her hand held up in a stop sign to prevent anyone from coming towards the bride and disturbing her in her primal need to eat before taking the next important step in her life; she certainly wasn’t going to look back on this day and only remember the hunger she felt whilst taking her vows.
    An electronic keyboard had been borrowed from a choral group based in a local church. At a nod from the registrar the organist struck up the wedding march and seconds later the bridal procession was to be seen approaching the improvised altar with the scantily dressed bride biting into a pork pie. The Maid of honour, who was also facing starvation, had chosen a large slice of quiche. Each had a plastic glass of champagne in the spare hand. There were multiple flashes as the members of the photographic section of Kempfield were busily recording the scene. Instead of the usual respectful silence accorded to a wedding party approaching the altar there were handclaps and even a few cheers. Roland and Manfred had hurried ahead during Jane and Deborah’s snack stop and were already waiting before the registrar’s table. The ladies handed the gentlemen their empty glasses and wiped their lips on the bridal veil. The groom was noticeably red in the face. The short ceremony then began.
    After the perfunctory ceremony, and the obligatory newly-married kiss, Jane accepted that she’d have to recount her earlier experience to the inspector before he forcibly tried to haul her off to the police station. The manager’s office, just inside the double doors, was made available and Jane, clinging to her share of the quiche and another large glass of her own champagne, but with a borrowed sheepskin coat over the nightdress, found herself recounting her adventure to Ian Fellowes.
    â€˜No, I can’t tell you the name of the boy who called me about the puppy,’ she said, ‘but I’ve seen him around Newton Lauder and I believe his mother’s here now, so I can probably point her out. The puppy was beyond saving so I put it to sleep to end its suffering. I told the boy how to hold it but he was overpowered by the thought of death and he let his grip shift and I got sprayed with blood, that’s where all the time went. I told him to go and get me some salt – soda would have been better but I didn’t want to waste more time explaining what sort of soda I wanted. He went to get salt and, next thing I knew, I was being robbed.’