The View From Who I Was by Heather Sappenfield Read Free Book Online Page A

boxes in the library. I’m sure these two have plenty to talk about.”
    Corpse practically fell off her stool. Gabe froze with a bite poised on his fork, cheese strings hanging long.
    Alone, they just ate. Corpse had hardly eaten anything since we’d come home, but right then, there was nothing else but to eat. Gabe finished, laid his fork on his plate and scooted it forward, then turned and pushed everything but Corpse out of focus. I slunk from my corner to the chandelier.
    â€œRemember that day in the hall, when we first met for real?” he said.
    Corpse nodded but could not meet his gaze. She thought how he must be seeing the gauze on her cheek, her right hand.
    â€œI knew what I was getting into, and I watched you sink, deeper and deeper. It sucked. You know this.”
    She nodded, felt like she’d swallowed sand.
    â€œOona,” he said, “I never cared how you looked. Sure, it helped, I’m not going to lie. But in the beginning, you being so popular, so pretty—it was something I had to overcome. I got a lot of shit about it. You know that.”
    She nodded and thought of Tanesha’s gang and Manny.
    Quiet settled over them.
    â€œMy mom was white. And very pretty. I never told you. But even Dad gave me a hard time about you.”
    I slunk closer to them.
    Corpse rolled her lips tight and stared at the fraying on the knees of Gabe’s jeans. He wore the sneakers she’d given him for his eighteenth birthday, only a week after our own birthday.
    â€œI love you,” he said. “Do you get that?”
    Corpse’s bandaged hand drifted to her heart necklace, pressed it hard against her skin.
    â€œI walked away from you in the hall that first time,” Gabe said, “and I could hardly see straight, I was so in love with you already. I can handle all the crap from my family, my friends.” He looked down the hall. “Your family. I could handle you being so sad over whatever was eating you.”
    Corpse couldn’t nod, couldn’t fathom how someone could love a person who was so screwed up.
    â€œWhat I don’t know if I can handle is how you looked me right in the eye and walked away to kill yourself.”
    â€œI’m sorry,” Corpse said, little voice. I felt about that small too.
    â€œI don’t know if I can handle it. Do you get it?” Gabe said.
    She nodded. I wished we could explain why we’d done it. Yet even if I was in there helping, giving her that hard edge, there are some things without words. Our actions would have to talk now.
    Gabe wiped his cheek, and that just about killed us. Corpse imagined a tear pooling in his dimple. She swallowed against the hollowness inside her. She straightened.
    â€œI know now,” she said.
    â€œKnow what?”
    I sensed what was coming and braced. We weren’t qualified for love.
    â€œThat I … ” She looked down.
    Gabe slumped back on his stool, and his hands fell to his lap. Corpse studied the pink crescents beneath his fingernails. After a minute, he reached out and turned her to him fully, a gentle motion. At her collarbone, he traced the necklace’s imprint. He put his other hand on her other leg.
    â€œDoes this hurt?” he said.
    Corpse shook her head. I realized she was lifting her chin just like Mom. Understood, then, that it was love’s plea .
    Corpse and Gabe leaned forward, pressed their foreheads together, and that did hurt, but Corpse didn’t care. I couldn’t stop myself. I curled into the arch of their bodies.

Seven
    From Oona’s journal:
    As two substances with different temperatures are put together, the cooler substance increases the kinetic energy of the warmer one. This makes heat move from the warmer to the cooler substance until the substances are the same temperature. An ice cube, for example, absorbs a drink’s heat rather than cools it.
    â€”Biology: Life’s Course
    Gabe, Ash, and Corpse played