The warlock insane by Christopher Stasheff Read Free Book Online Page A

a man!"
    "Oh, don't be so tiresome!" a more mellow voice said. "They weren't hurting you in the slightest."
    "Shut up, goody-goody! Awright, come out with your hands up!" Rod came, sword first.
    The monster backed away from the point, its snout wrinkling in consternation. "Hey, now! You ain't supposed to fight back!"
    "No more than you can expect," the other voice said.
    "You shaddup!"
    It was a two-headed monster, like a very fat dragon with a rhinoceros's tail and elephant's feet—and it was puce with yellow polka dots. Rod took one look at it and was certain his hallucinations came courtesy of his subconscious.
    "I will not shut up," the other head said. "After all, you're trying to threaten them with my body, too."
    " Mybody! You only control the right half!"
    "So I do." The right-hand head turned to the two Rods. "I'll have to ask you to pardon this intrusion; I didn't really have much choice in the matter. You can call me 'Dexter.' "
    "You don't look very dextrous," the doppelganger pointed out. It didn't, but the right-hand head did have a pleasant, though bothered, look about it, in spite of being mostly snout and teeth. Its companion head, though, managed to have a sneaky, predatory look with exactly the same features. "Don't you dare call me 'Sinister'!" It swiveled to glare at Rod. "I'll bite off your head! I'll roast you alive!"
    "It's been tried." For some reason, Rod was taking a dislike to Sinister. He hefted his blade. "If you think you can argue with cold steel, go ahead and try."
    "Cold steel! I'll melt that tin toothpick down into slag!" But Sinister didn't seem eager to try.
    "I take it you had some reason for coming up to us," the doppelganger said.
    "Reason! Yeah! I'm hungry!"
    "Now, Sinister," Dexter murmured, "you know we discussed this."
    "Disgusted, maybe! Now, look, Dex, you're gonna follow my lead this time, or I'm gonna fry you to a crisp!"
    "I'm sorry, Sinister," Dexter said in a very low voice, "but I absolutely will have nothing to do with this charade." He turned to the two Rods. "You really should hurry on by. This can't be very pleasant for you."
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    "Right." The doppelganger turned to go.
    With a roar, Sinister slapped out the left foot, and the doppelganger leaped back.
    "Sinister! You know these people haven't done anything to deserve…"
    "They came into my territory, didn't they?" Sinister roared. "They walked down my road, and they didn't even offer to pay for it!"
    "Oh!" Rod said, startled. "Did you build the road?"
    "Build? What the hell difference does that make? I'm standing on it!"
    "I know it's confusing," Dexter said to the doppelganger, "but you really shouldn't let this little scene keep you from…"
    "You shut up, jelly-back! If I wanna make these little bastards pay, then…" Dexter winced. "Please! You really have no reason…"
    "Reason!" Sinister bellowed. "You want a reason? I'll give you…" Rod caught the doppelganger's eye and nodded toward
    Dexter's side. The doppelganger sidled toward him, and together, displaying great interest in the argument, they moved slowly around the right side of the creature. On the other side, Fess whinnied and stamped to distract Sinister.
    It almost worked; they almost got past him. But at the last moment, Sinister saw them and bawled,
    "Hey! You come back here!" It charged.
    "Back!" Rod shouted, and he and the doppelganger sprang away. Not far enough, though—the huge head was soaring toward him, fangs first.
    Dexter dug in the right-side legs and shoved back for all he was worth. Sinister's head came to a sudden jarring halt; inertia slammed the great jaws closed an inch from Rod's head.
    "Back!" Rod snapped, and jabbed Sinister's nose with the point of his sword. The huge head whipped up with a howl, and Rod lowered his blade, just in time for his arm to start trembling.
    "Poor Sinister! Are you hurt?" Dexter cried.
    "He maimed me!" the dragon wailed.